How To Tell You Are The Rat
by Magic Rat

This was written as a response to 'How Rat-Ified Are You?'

1) Someone called the local radio station and asked to hear "Rainforest" by the Mortified Gryphons. You know this because the alien who works there is a friend of yours. You call the Men in Black.

2) You're shocked to find out anyone actually reads the stuff you write.

3) Your library writes you hate mail because someone is insisting all Tolkien's works are merely plagiarisms of yours. They burn your library card.

4) You get an angry letter from Peter Jackson demanding to know who the hell you are and why he's never heard of you, along with a book on copyright law.

5) You go watch Advent Children for the fifth time and for the fifth time launch into a tirade about how Rufus should be a skid mark.

6) You see a spider running across the room. You stick it in the mandrake plant.

7) Your guy friends don't like it when you stand behind them for some odd reason...

8) Your husband is definitely 'male only'.

9) You follow around the new and slightly overweight guy because these are ususally the guys who make mead.

10) You hear the word rabbit and think; "I really hate bunnies..."

11) You don't know who Phillys' Sia is either.

12) You tell your male SO that the ONLY way he is getting another baby is to have it himself.

13) Frost bite is what your sister in Saskatchewan has on her ass.

14) You KNOW where Sferkkaa is, and visit regularly.

15) You know rats much prefer rum.

16) You *have* taught spiders to talk. But that was twelve years ago after a substantial amount of LSD.

17) You strongly feel that April seventeenth should be a public holiday.

18) You find a happy-binding Fade and January Hare parcel outside your door.

19) You put on the postal code and mail it.

20) You make a batch of Touscanian Chocolate.

21) You are astonished anyone would bother with making up 20 signs of Rat-ification... but it made you smile.