How Rat-Ified Are You?
By Spirclestone

This little oddity was originally posted on the Official Mordorian Plains Elf Fan Club Yahoogroup. It is posted here with permission of the author.

1. You call your local radio station and ask them to play "Rainforest" by the Mortified Gryphons.

2. You are shocked to learn that Tolkien left out the truth about the most cruel things that were done to the Plains Elves in order to create Orcs.

3. As a consequence you donate all your Tolkien books to your local library because you "have been able to replace them with the original version from Ms. A. Shaw".

4. You write an angry letter to Peter Jackson and demand to be informed why he so completely ignored the works of The Rat, which were clearly the source of inspiration for that Tolkien-guy.

5. You buy Advent Children because The Rat mentions it and are disappointed - you read her stories first and they are much more fun.

6. You start greeting the spiders living in your home politely instead of squishing them because The Rat who is a Magic Rat likes spiders and could be watching, who knows...

7. You check your boyfriend for openings he could have been hiding from you

8. You find none and file him secretly as "male only".

9. You ask your new and slightly overweight work mate how far along he might be.

10. You hear the word "rabbit" and don't think "plushy, long ears, eats carrots" but "muscular, tattoed, married to Haldir".

11. You recieve an e-mail from Phyllis Sia, your work mate in Asia, and your first thought is: "Who is Phylli and why does his sia not sign with his own name?".

12. You ask your boyfriend/husband if he would mind to have the next baby.

13. "Frost bite" suddenly gets a brand new meaning.

14. You spend hours and hours in the internet searching every available astronomy related site to find out where Sferkkaa lies.

15. You refill the water bottle of your pet rats with mead.

16. You try to teach a terrified house spider to talk: "Say Hello! Come on, say Hello!".

17. You are surprised to notice that April 17th is not a public holiday - at least not in the calender you have.

18. You prepare a "Happy Binding"-parcel for Fade and January Hare, including a greeting card and things they might need for their household.

19. You adress it to: Fade and January Hare , c/o Lord Elrond, New Imladris, Valinor - and realise you cannot send it because you don't know the postal code of New Imladris.

20. You try to order Touscanian Chocolate.

21. You are astonished how quick you were with making up 20 signs of Rat-ification.