Toki's Nightmare

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Dream imagery
Summary: Toki seeks comfort after a nightmare.
Notes: Belated birthday ficlet for ftw302! Happy birthday hon

This fic has an acompanying illustration by Animama

It wasn’t the first time Nathan had Toki come shooting into his room like a hysterical little Norwegian heat-seeking missile, darting under the covers to become a shivering butt-up lump. However it was the first time he had him do it while he had a lady friend with him. Janine Lacewood was the latest in a long string of possible girlfriends, and Nathan had the sinking feeling she was not going to come back for a second date, resigning himself to a life of forced virginity because his friends were insane. Janine hiked up the covers and gave Nathan a look that suggested she did not have the faintest idea how he managed to survive in this asylum. Nathan sighed heavily and addressed the lump.

“Toki, what are you doing in here?”

“I has a nightsmare,” he said in a small trembling voice.

“And you couldn’t go tell this to Skwisgaar?”

“Nightsmare was abouts Skwisgaar! Dat’s why I comes here!”

Nathan dug around under the covers until he struck guitar player and pulled him out from beneath the blankets. Toki’s eyes were huge, and the death grip he had on Deddy Bear was forcing the toy’s button eyes to bulge.

“Well what was the nightmare about?” Nathan asked, pushing the long brown hair out of Toki’s face. He noticed Janine seemed to approve of the gentle way he was handling the situation. Maybe this wasn’t a total loss. Chicks dug guys with a soft side.

Toki shivered. “I dreams Skwisgaar an’ I gets married.”

Nathan and Janine exchanged glances. “Well…” said Nathan. “That’s… not really that strange. I mean… Pickles’ brother just got married. Maybe that’s why you dreamed it.”

Toki held Deddy closer, his blue eyes fixed and starting at nothing. “Dreams we gets married in big black cathedral mades of stone, and was lightning outside, and storm, and trees blowing and tombstones falling over, and was wolves howling alls around, and Skwisgaar all drapes in black. Was most beautifuls wedding I evers seen.”

Janine raised an eyebrow. Great, thought Nathan, he would have to bring home a chick with a degree in psychology and dream analysis. Nathan vowed to stop dating women smarter than he was. Of course that reduced his dating pool to a shallow mud-puddle…

“So…” said Janine, “if the dream imagery was positive, what scared you?”

“Oh was nice dreams at first! But den… I dreams Skwisgaar gets pregnants.”

“Well that’s stupid,” said Nathan. “I mean Skwisgaar’s a guy, he can’t… y’know… get pregnant.”

“I knows dat! Buts in dream he did.” Toki crouched slightly, as if trying to hide behind his bear. “Wit’ Murderface’s baby!” he finished in a cracked whisper.

Somewhere in the distance, there was a low roll of thunder. Nathan felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“Was awful,” said Toki continued in the same hushed tone. “ He gets bigger, and bigger, until he is likes huge slug, and nevers happy. Can’t makes him happy. Alls da time cryings abouts being fats, an’ uglies, and no one is loves him, an’ wants to go homes to his mama, and he can’ts plays da guitar because hands is now can’ts reach across huge belly. And he takes giants carton of chocolate chip mint ice cream and dips Pickle in it an’ eats him.”

Nathan felt genuine fear creep up his spine. “Dear god! I never thought of that! I mean Skwisgaar’s bad enough as he is, but pregnant! Good lord, the hormones! The whining! The tantrums! It would be like Rebecca on her period but a billion times worse!”

“Dat’s nots the worst part!” said Toki. “Ats end of pregnancy, he explodes, and dere is teeny-tiny Murderfaces an’ Skwisgaars everywhere, runnings ups da walls an’ screamings an’ havings da fits an’ dey eats Charlies! An’ Murderface turns into huge olds fat lady likes his grandmamma an’ grows huge saggies boobs an’ da baby Murderfaces all wants do bad solo albums, and little Skwisgaars mates wit’ all the mice an’ spiders in da haus, an’ soon you an’ me is tieds up in corner being used likes dose peoples in ‘Alien’ to incubate more little Murderfaces an’ Skwisgaars after we is forced to mates wit’ fat grandmamma Murderface!”

Nathan stared at Toki in complete horror. Toki stared back with huge, terrified blue eyes that shimmered with tears. Then Nathan stood up, eyes narrowed in determination, imposing even when naked.

“I’ll be right back,” he growled.

Toki and Janine watched as Nathan strode out of the room, then looked at each other, equally puzzled. Minutes later from down the hall, they heard a lot of outraged Swedish sputtering.

“Whats is idea wakings me ups ats quarters of four to piss on a stick?!”

“Don’t talk back to me, just get in that bathroom and take the test! NOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!”

“I is nots takinks no pregnants test!”

“You’re taking it, or I’m gonna open you up with a pair of hedge clippers and look for myself!”

“That’s it,” said Janine. “I’m out of here. Toki, when Nathan comes back, tell him thanks for the most bizarre night of my life and please don’t call again.”

“Okies. Nights nice lady.”

Janine hastily dressed and left the room, hearing Nathan in the background trying to force Skwisgaar to take a pregnancy test. Ahead in the hallways she spied a little man in a grey bathrobe and glasses.

“What are they up to this time?” Charles asked.

“Toki had a nightmare, so Nathan is testing Skwisgaar to see if he’s pregnant.”

“Really? Hmm. Well. I’ll go back to bed, then.”

“You’re not going to go down there and try to talk sense into them?”

“I’m sorry but frankly I don’t expect to live that long. Good night, Miss Lacewood, it was a pleasure having you here.”

“Mr. Ofdensen,” said Janine just as he turned away. Charles turned back to look at her, one eyebrow slightly raised.

“Yes?”

“Why do you stay here? I’ve been here six hours and there is nothing that could make me come back to this nut factory. How do you put up with it?”

Charles smiled slightly; he even made a sound that may have been a laugh.

“Well, frankly, Miss Lacewood, for what I am paid, I would stand naked on one leg on a tower at daybreak with a feather duster up my ass, a rubber glove on my head, and sing ‘I’m a Little Teapot’ if it made them happy.”

Janine just stared at him, incredulous. In the background Nathan chased Skwisgaar with a pregnancy test while Toki suddenly launched into hysterics as Murderface stepped out of his room wearing only a leopard print thong. Charles just smiled pleasantly.

“Well, you know what they say, Miss Lacewood. One man’s nightmare is another man’s seven figure income.”