Rules of the Pile
Sequel to 'Puppy Pile'

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Toki/Skwisgaar, Nathan/Charles.
Warnings: Some sap and a few little spoilers for Deth Dad but nothing major.
Summary: Charles shows up and learns the Ways of the Pile.
Notes: Because this is an rpg that has been edited for reading there are some pretty wild point of view shifts. Sea sick pills might be helpful.

Bonus points for catching the obscure Beatles reference.

Murderface stomped to the bed from the bathroom, rubbing his still-smarting backside and glowering at Nathan.

“Well, I jusht washed about twelve ounsches of gunpowder out of my butt crack! Maybe you guysh can find shomething elshe to entertain yourshelfs with beshidesh my mishery now?”

Pickles rummaged around for more cheese in their bags. “Well we can't pick on Toki right now so... uh... yeah, you're it.”

“Well, why can't you pick on Shkwishgaar? Make fun of him for being a lady or shomething? That'sh alwaysh fun.”

Skwisgaar shook his head, smug in the fact that he was currently untouchable. “Can'ts makes funs of me right nows, 'cause I's de ones holdings Toki.”

“Yeah, that's right,” said Nathan. “Puppy Pile rules state that you... can't harass the... guy... doing the comforting. I mean we could tease him if he passed Toki to me or Pickles but... well… Toki doesn't want to leave. So you’re it, Murderface.”

Skwisgaar stuck his tongue out at Murderface, who flopped on the bed with a petulant noise.

“Well, I don't shee why you can't do shomething beshidesh shoving firecrackersh up my assh! What would the shrink shay about that? You've got shome isshues!! I feel shorry for the robot if he doesh deschide to let you get near hish backshide.”

Nathan narrowed his eyes. "I really wish you wouldn't call Charles 'the robot'."

Pickles found the cheese and was now on the hunt for more beer. "Dood you call Murderface’s boyfriend 'the pipe cleaner'."

Nathan reached into his own luggage and handed Pickles a beer. "Well yeah but that's because Knubbler... kinda looks like one. A pipe cleaner with gogglie eyes. Maybe he's a caterpillar."

“And I call the robot a robot becaushe he actsh like a robot! We all call him the robot! You've called him a robot!” sputtered Murderface.

Skwisgaar looked over at Nathan. “He's is rights, you know?”

"Well not anymore. I mean... how am I gonna get him to like me if I call him names? Not that... he'd like me anyway." Nathan’s lower lip wibbled.

Pickles groaned. “Oh, Gahd, dood. You're not gonna cry are you?”

Nathan's lower lip kept wibbling. "No."

Toki moved over to Nathan to give him a hug, which, alas, freed Skwisgaar up for abuse according to the rules of the pile. Murderface grabbed Nathan's bag of firecrackers and lunged at Skwisgaar with the intention of cramming one into every orifice the tall blonde had. Skwisgaar shrieked like a girl and leapt for the bathroom, locking himself in and shoving the tiny waste basket against the door for good measure.

Toki watched this, realizing that he's not going to be getting Swedish snuggles if Skwisgaar is hiding in the bathroom. And he can't give Murderface a wedgie since he no longer wears underwear, and even if he did wear underwear, Toki wouldn't want to touch ANYTHING that had been in contact with Murderface's butt. Toki carefully weighed his options, then, with speed worthy of his title of second fastest guitar player in the world, got off the bed and yanked Murderface's t-shirt over his head at the same time he ‘pants-ed’ him. Murderface stood naked, stunned and staring at Toki. The cold green eyes narrow as Pickles shoved his head under the covers, screaming something about being blind.

“What do the rulesh shay about when the pershon being comforted getsh off the bed and showsh shome shpunk?” asked Murderface. “Do we get to pick on him then?”

Nathan grinned. "Yeah, if we can catch him."

Pickles continued to scream. "I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND! MY EYEBALLS ARE BLEEDING!"

Murderface ignored him and kicked off his pants one foot at a time, his eyes on Toki.
“Alright, shport. If you wanna shee my assh then you're gonna have to touch it too!!”

He launched himself at Toki like a bull at a matador. Toki screamed and fled, streaking straight across the room, over the bed, running over Pickles in the process, and straight out the inn window, hoping Murderface would not want to run around naked in the dark Norwegian winter. Not that it bothered Toki at all; he was feeling better. He was still not much inclined to talk, but falling snow made up for a lot of hurt. Things always seem safer in the snow. For reasons only known to Toki at that moment, he headed off into the snow at full speed. He was not sure why he wanted to run. It just felt good right then, chasing and being chased by the inn's elkhound, which had been playing outside by itself. Murderface stopped short as Toki shot out the window, watching him disappear into the night. Pickles sighed.

"Oh smooth move, Murderface, now we have to go catch him again! What are you doing threatening him with that lumpy doodle?"

“Ahhhh...It wash an acshident?”

“Dood how do you accidentally threaten someone with a doodle?”

Skwisgaar tore out of the bathroom at the sound of Toki's scream, eyes blazing, steam all but shooting from his nostrils, and arrived just in time to see him tearing across the snow. He promptly turned on Murderface.

“WHUT'S YOU DOES TO MY TOKIS?????”

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” spluttered Murderface.

"Well we have to go catch him,” said Nathan. “He could freeze out there."

Skwisgaar forgot his rage long enough to give Nathan a confused look. “Why he freeze? Is not dats cold.”

Pickles had much the same look on his own face, having endured many Wisconsin winters.

"Yeah what are you talking about Nathan?" The green eyes narrowed, and he grinned as realization took hold. "Oh that's right! You're a delicate Florida flower! You can't leave your hot house or your petals will get all wilty. C’mahn Skwisgaar.” Pickles grabbed up his coat. “Let's go catch Toki. We'll water Nathan when we get back."

Skwisgaar snorted and snickered, climbing out the window and grinning back at both Nathan and Murderface. “Be sures and closes de windows afters us. Don'ts wantings you's ding-dongs to shrivels and falls off.”

Nathan watched Pickles and Skwisgaar head into the snow, then walked over to the window and closed it, locking it for good measure.

"Let's see how those ice fairies feel after chasing Santa's reindeer around for a few hours and they want back inside." Nathan glanced at the inn's wall clock. "How long does it take to fly from the States to Norway?"

Murderface went to put his pants back on, not bothering to mention that the afore-mentioned ice fairies can just go around the inn to the front entrance. He shrugged.

“Shouldn’t be too much longer. Two hours, maybe.”

Nathan sighed. "Crap. We need beer. We need a lot of beer. And more cheese. And steaks. We need more cheese steaks.”

“Yeah I could go for that.”

Meanwhile outside Toki was running flat out, enjoying the feel of being in the deep snow, the clean cold air, the pearl grey sky. Winter had always been his favourite time of the year. There was something peaceful about snow and darkness. Something almost healing. As if all the world was in slumber.

He suddenly became aware of two distant forms chasing him, one gaining very fast. Crap. Skwisgaar could move like Sleipnir on a mission when he had a mind to do so, and he didn’t need the six extra legs to do it. Toki dived behind a fallen tree, grabbed up a handful of snow, and waited. He could hear Skwisgaar calling for him.

“Toki!! Waits!! Ah, what de hells he hdings for? We's not playings da Tag!” Skwisgaar paused and waited to see what nonsense Toki was up to, uncertain if he was playing or having some sort of fit.

Pickles wasn't sure if people in Norway and Sweden has snowball fights, but he knew kids in Wisconsin did, and he knew when he was being set up for one. He grabbed up a handful of snow and tried to get behind Toki and surprise him. Pickles had just about reached Toki's hiding spot when Toki popped up and creamed him with a snowball, then darted away. Pickles watched the fleeing form, eyes narrowed. He wished he had a carrot for when he uttered the infamous catch phrase; "Of course you realize… this means war."

Skwisgaar came to stand beside Pickles. “What happens?”

Pickles shook the snow off himself. "Ain't you never had a snowball fight? He's playing."

Skwisgaar blinked at Pickles. Obviously he hadn't heard of it; he didn't do much playing with other kids when he was young. “Oh.” He looked in the direction in which Toki disappeared. “Guess he's feelings betters den.”

Pickles cocked his head. "You really never had a snowball fight? Dood that's sad. I mean... honestly sad." Pickles noticed Toki diving behind a snow-buried bush, narrowing his green eyes as he took note of the hiding spot. "The idea is to peg the other guy with snowballs until he gives up. And so far Toki is beating us."

“Is beatings you, you means.” Skwisgaar suddenly had a gleeful, fiendish, almost clever gleam in his eyes. It lasted the barest of moments, then he asked casually, “So how you makes da snowsball?”

Pickles had been living with Skwisgaar WAY too long to not recognize when he was plotting something. The problem is Pickles was not sure who Skwisgaar was plotting against. Pickles gathered up a handful of snow and packed it.

"Just like that, see?"

Skwisgaar bent down and copied his actions. “Likes dis?”

Pickles nodded. "Yeah. See it's not hard."

“Ja, is nots.” Then the gleam returned then and Skwisgaar smashed the snowball in Pickles' face. Pickles sighed.

"I so should have seen that coming."

Just then the elkhound that had chasing Toki showed up and, with one artful bounce, landed Pickles on his ass in the snow. He lay on his back, staring up that the night sky.

"Oh I see how it is. It's pick on the red-head day, huh?" He suddenly got up and leapt at Skwisgaar, fully intent on shoving snow down his pants. Skwisgaar bounded out of the way, heading in Toki's general direction.

“Is twos to nutinks, us!!”

"Ja?" said Toki, eyes bright. "Is nots really fair though, poor Pickle is all alones an’ we has each ot'er an' da doggie… AHHHH!" Toki shrieked as he was suddenly beaned with a huge snowball. Then he heard Nathan's voice bellowing through the still night.

"All right Pickles! I stunned then with mortar fire, now you get them with an aerial attack!"

Toki spat out snow as Skwisgaar whipped his head in the direction of the voice, hair flying, blue eyes large.

“I t'oughts you's staying insides, Heat Misers!!”

Nathan was actually giggling. "No way! Well I was, but... Murderface farted. Now he's moving our stuff into a new room because we can't live in the old one. I mean it was one of those really juicy ones, and... well, I just couldn't sleep in the bed wondering where the wet spot was."

Skwisgaar made a dry retching noise. “UGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Why you has to sayings it likes dat?”

Nathan rolled up another snowball. "Oh come on! I could practically hear it bubbling. Like... wet gas. Or something."

Skwisgaar did the Eww!Gross! dance. “Stops it!!!!”

Pickles took advantage of the situation to brain Skwisgaar with a snowball. Skwisgaar launched into high volume Swedish hysteria; quickly bending down and packing a new snowball, lobbing it at Pickles' head, not paying attention at all to his aim. It missed by a few feet.

"Missed me! Hey Skwis, you throw real pretty, just like a lady." Pickles then fled, singing; "Dood throws like a la-dy...."

Skwisgaar screamed a foreign word that the others did not recognize (but that would more than likely require a guitar riff censoring) and took off after Pickles. Toki pounced on Nathan, hanging around his powerful neck like a kid, hugging him and getting hugged in return. He was still not fully recovered; he was still more quiet and clinging than was normal, needing his friends and glad to have them respond to his needs. He watched Skwisgaar chase after Pickles, gaining on him rapidly with his long legs. Then Pickles decided to play dirty and suddenly dropped to the ground just as Skwisgaar was about to reach him, hoping the big Swede would trip over him. It worked; Skwisgaar went face down in the snow with a startled and abruptly muffled cry.

Toki squiggled free of Nathan to go help Skwisgaar up. Nathan was beginning to feel the cold already; deciding he was definitely a warm-weather creature, and the dark Norwegian winter was a bit unsettling for him. Then one of the inn's windows opened, and Murderface leaned out, wearing a frilly apron he found who-knows-where and waving a spoon. He shrieked at them in a very acceptable impersonation of his grandmother.

"YOU KIDS SHETTLE DOWN OUT THERE! YOU'RE GONNA POKE SHOMEBODY'S EYE OUT AND THEN CATCH PNEUMONIA!"

Pickles rolled in the snow in hilarity. Skwisgaar snuggled Toki, then, without missing a beat, turned in the direction of Murderface's voice and did a perfectly petulant childish whine.

“But Mo-oms!! I's playings wit' my friends!!”

Pickles was practically wetting himself. The elkhound pranced over to him, licking his face and poking at him with an icy wet nose. Mother Murderface waved his spoon again.

"Well get in here before your beer getsh warm and the cheesesteaks cool off. What kind of a mother feedsh her kidsh warm beer?”

Nathan certainly didn’t need to be told twice; he started loping for the inn. Skwisgaar playfully tweaked Toki's nose before turning and sprinting for the inn, calling back; “Racings you!!”

Pickles got up and began following. Toki loped after Skwisgaar, but didn't really try to catch Skwisgaar. He did recently take a very hard spill down an icy hill and he was rather bruised up and sore.

"Aw I can't catch you, you too talls for me."

That hardly deterred Skwisgaar from running as fast as he could to the inn and laughing triumphantly when he "won", preening triumphantly, observed all the while by the inn’s little fat old cleaning man, who looked more like a gnome than a man. Finally the old man decided he couldn’t help himself when confronted with something so smug. He pinched Skwisgaar's bum in passing. Skwisgaar jumped, turning sharply to confront his assailant.

“Hey!” He looked the little man up and down, seemed to consider something, then shook his head. “Nah. Nots into its.”

Toki gave him an annoyed look as he came to stand beside him. "Betters nots be," he grumbled quietly.

Skwisgaar grinned at Toki over his shoulder. Toki feigned being miffed about the little old man. Nose up, he made his way passed Skwisgaar to their room, sighing loudly.

"Ah no loves for Tokis. Pretty Skwisgaar likes da cleaning man betters. Maybe Pickle will likes me."

Skwisgaar snorted. “Pickle likes anyones afters t'ree drinks.”

Pickles rolled his eyes. "Yeah that's the pot calling the kettle black. Y'know Toki does have a pretty cute little butt though." Pickles pinched the afore-mentioned cute little butt, and Toki practically turns inside out, spinning abruptly, eyes large. He clearly never had his butt pinched before and he was not sure how to react. Skwisgaar however was quite confident and quick in his own reaction as he snarled at Pickles.

“Hey!! Don'ts to be doinks dat!!”

"Oh get over yourself," rumbled Nathan. He had very large hands, and he used them to grab both Skwisgaar's and Pickles' butts in passing. Pickles jumped and was about to do something in retaliation, but then paused, listening.

"Hey. I hear a helicopter."

Skwisgaar cocked his head and listened. “Ja, I does too.”

Toki paused at the top of the stairs. "Must be lawyers-man.” He opened the door to their room and stepped inside. “Maybe he is come joinings us in da pile.”

Skwisgaar grinned at Nathan as they followed Toki into their room. “Wouldn'ts you's likenings dat.”

Murderface sighed. “Jusht try not to shcrew until the resht of ush are ashleep. It'sh jusht good mannersh.”

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Guys like Charles don't screw in front of other people. Even when they're asleep.

“Hey, what did we agree about thinking poshitive?” Murderface gently chided.

"Okay, I'm positive Charles is not going to screw me in front of you guys. And take that apron off."

Murderface huffed. “I think it'sh becoming.”

Pickles looked him up and down. "It is kinda cute on you."

“That'sh what I shaid!”

"I bet Knubbler would like it."

Murderface blinked. “You think?”

Pickles almost said something about how Knubbler seemed to like bizarre, out-of-date clothes, but as they are still officially in the pile, the usual trashing is not allowed. "Yeah why not? He likes funky stuff."

Toki climbed onto the enormous bed, which was actually two beds pushed together. He looked out the window at the neatly dressed form exiting the helicopter, wearing winter weather gear instead of his usual suit.

“It's Charlies all right. Hi Charlies! We is ups here!"

Charles looked up and scanned the second floor of the inn for the source of the voice. It was not hard to find. He smiled, pleased that Toki was active and talking.

“Hello, Toki.”

"You comings up?" The big blue eyes were bright and hopeful. Nathan meanwhile was running around getting changed into clean dry clothes while Skwisgaar snickered at him.

“Yes, of course. I just need to check in, get cleaned up and I'll be right up. I should be there by eleven.”

Toki squeaked happily, then looked over his shoulder at Nathan. "Charlies coming up! Uh... Nat'an? You gots doggy poo all overs you boots."

Nathan sighed. "Crap. Hey Murderface, can I borrow your toothbrush?"

Murderface calmly stared at him, arms crossed. “F//guitar riff//k no.”

“Why not? It’s not like you use it for anything.”

"Just hide them on the little balcony for now,” said Pickles. “We're not supposed to be wearing boots on the bed anyway."

Skwisgaar was thoroughly enjoying Nathan's fretting, and began to sing-song very softly under his breath; “Nat'ans and butlers sittings in da trees...”

Nathan shot him a side-long look. "Y'know my little cousin when she was eight had a doll, and when ya pressed a button on its stomach, the hair grew." He showed Skwisgaar a fist. "Wanna see if it works on guitar players?"

Skwisgaar huffed. “Mellows out, Nat'ans. Is all in goods funs.”

Pickles settled on the bed, helping himself to a cheese steak and looking out at the expanse of night and snow. “Dood, Norway is dark.”

Skwisgaar found a beer and opened it as Nathan sat down on the bed beside Pickles.

“Whuts? You's scareds of de darks, littles Pickle?” said Skwisgaar.

"No but... it's dark! And when it gets to be winter it will be dark all the time!! I couldn't deal with that, like... it's a whole nation of vampires.”

Skwisgaar took up a place on the bed, lounging back against the headboard, putting an arm around Toki as he came to sit beside him. “Sounds like scared to mes.”

Pickles narrowed his eyes. "I am naht scared of the dark, okay? Just keep your fangs to yourself, Lestat."

Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow. “So you's scareds of vamspires?”

Pickles shrugged. "Well not so much, no, I mean you can reason with a vampire. Zombies on the other hand scare the living shit out of me."

Murderface was astonished at the comment. “Zombiesh are AWESHOME!!”

Pickles shuddered. "Dood I HATE zombies! HATE them! Emotionless killing things that... rot and stink... HATE zombies."

“But they're sho cool!! They're all nashty and falling apart, and they eat brainsh! And the only way to kill them ish to blow them up!! It'sh aweshome!!”

Pickles shuddered again and hid behind Nathan as the large man sat on the bed, burying his face against one large shoulder, holding onto his friend’s t-shirt. "Zombies blow. They're even scarier than ewoks."

There was a pained silence as Pickles realized he had just voiced his greatest phobia of all time. He groaned quietly and put a hand over his face as his friends exchanged glances. Skwisgaar blinked in confusion.

“Ee-woks? Isn't dey da littles teddy bears t'ings?”

Nathan slowly turned his head to look down at Pickles, who was roughly the same shade of red as his hair. "You're... uh... scared of ewoks? Pickles that's... that's... really... sad. So I guess for you the ultimate nightmare would be... zombie ewoks."

Skwisgaar grinned. “Undeads teddy bears woulds be pretty metals...”

“Yeah!” enthused Murderface. “Jusht think of all the little kids who'd wake up in the middle of the night to find their stuffed animalsh gnawing on their headsh!!”

Toki burrowed into Skwisgaar's stomach with a terrified little squeak, at the same time Pickles made like a ferret and hid under the back of Nathan's shirt. Skwisgaar petted and crooned comfortingly at poor scared Toki as Nathan sighed heavily, the drummer in his t-shirt making a mutant hump.

"Just… somebody pass me the jelly dildos, will ya?"

Murderface tossed Nathan a box of jelly candies shaped like little penises. For some insane reason Skwisgaar had picked up a case of them in Sweden. They were pretty tasty, but why Skwisgaar needed a whole case Nathan had no idea. Nathan caught the box then looked at the clock on the wall. "When Charles arrives will that be eleven pm American time or Norwegian?"

There was confused silence. “Whut times is its now?” asked Skwisgaar.

"Eleven."

Nathan looked at the door, hoping for a knock. Murderface cocked his head as he studied Nathan.

“Sho are you gonna fuck him?”

"I don't know, how can I know that?

“Well, you want to, doncha?”

“Well YEAH but that doesn't mean he's gonna let me! Just because I wanna fuck him doesn't mean he wants to fuck me." Nathan jumped, eyes growing large as Pickles found a stray hair on his back and yanked it. "Pickles either quit yanking my back hair or get out of my shirt."

Skwisgaar toyed with Toki’s hair. “If you dos get to fucks him, you's gonna tells us abouts it, ja?”

Nathan looks annoyed. "No! You don't tell us about fucking Toki."

"I nevers fuck Skwisgaar,” said Toki.

"Yeah well it's just a matter of time, we all know that. OW! Dammit Pickles just because you're scared of zombie ewoks don't take it out on me!"

Skwisgaar possessively cuddled Toki. “Dat's is differents. Dis is Toki. Robots nots Toki, sos I don'ts cares.”

Toki just looked confused, wondering if he had an affair with Skwisgaar and somehow missed it. Toki decided just to help himself to a handful of jelly willies and settle close to Skwisgaar, gazing up at him adoringly as he fed him a candy.

"Skwisgaar too nice to do t'ings likes talks abouts who he sleep with."

Murderface laughed so suddenly he almost shot cheese out of his nose. Toki gave him a sour look.

"You just mads because you boyfriend don'ts have an ass or a chin. I hopes you is gets on top because if Knubbler does he mights falls into you ass crack and bes a thong."

Nathan somehow managed to laugh so hard a jelly willy flew out his nose. Skwisgaar shrieks in disgust as the jelly struck him with a wet smack and stuck to his cheek, causing Murderface to screech like a virgin. Whatever angry words Skwisgaar had for either Murderface or Nathan were cut short by a brisk knocking on the door. As Toki opened a box of pepparkakor to nibble a cookie, Pickles poked his head out of the collar of Nathan's shirt, causing Nathan to look like some kind of two-headed troll. Toki finished his cookie, then rose from the bed, walking to the door. He opened it, and leapt into Charles' arms, nearly sending him on his ass. Toki hugged Charles.

"Well hello, handsomes, dids it hurts when you falls from heaven?"

Charles blinked at the armful of weighty Norwegian. “Not really. I had a net.”

"You has to saves me!” said Toki. “Dere is troll in dere wit' two heads an' is shooting candy pee-pees! Oh an' I missed you."

Charles flattened himself against the doorjamb so he didn’t fall, his knees beginning to shake as he tried to support Toki’s weight. “I missed you as well.” He looked around, finding the two-headed candy-shooting troll. “So it's business as usual then?”

"Ja," says Toki happily, and nuzzled close, terribly glad to see Charles, who by now was starting to slide to the floor under Toki's weight. He looks at the others.

“Ah... Little help?”

Nathan tried to stand and nearly strangled Pickles. There was a substantial amount of pissing around before finally Nathan was free of his t-shirt, slipping out of it and leaving it on Pickles before he rose from the bed and walked over to Charles, who was still holding Toki. With very little effort, Nathan picked both of them up, then carried them over to the bed and put them down. Charles seemed quite surprised by this, possibly even flustered.

“Not... quite what I had in mind, but thank you.”

Toki moved over to Skwisgaar, who had disposed of the nose-willy, and put his head in his lap, smiling as Skwisgaar stroked his head and upper back. Charles turned his attention to the pair of guitarists.

“How are you feeling, Toki?”

Toki shrugged. "I don'ts know. I don't know what I s'posed be feelings. Was sads, den kinda forgots abouts it. Now I sads again. I fails papa. I can't do anythings right. Maybe shoulds have gone into da ice, too."

Skwisgaar pulled Toki closer, shaking his head as he buried his face into the long brown hair. “Nej.”

“We're all very glad you didn't, Toki,” said Charles softly.

"I nots," said Toki quietly, and burrowed into Skwisgaar’s belly.

Uncomfortable with the level of emotion, as they all were, Murderface distracted himself by shoving pillows up the huge shirt Pickles was still wearing. The little drummer was practically swimming in Nathan’s great black t-shirt. However by the time Murderface was done Pickles looked as if he was pregnant with an elephant. Murderface sat back, pleased with his work.

“Sho who'sh the father, Picklesh?”

Pickles looked down at the huge belly. "Dood, must be all of you. But I don't remember." He looked at Charles. "I've been raped. Do something."

Charles adjusted his glasses as he looked at Pickles' new belly. “Sue for child support?” he suggested.

Pickles looked back down at his belly. "Hell no, I'm immune to drugs, start looking for pain killers that will work on me for when this ship leaves the harbour!"

Charles almost smiled, but managed to hold it back. “I'll get right on it.”

Pickles leaned against Nathan, blinking up at him. "So can I call you daddy?"

Nathan put one huge hand over Pickles’ face and gently pushed him away. This time Charles did smile.

“Now, now, Nathan. You shouldn't reject the mother of your child like that. You need to take responsibility for your actions.”

Nathan looked miffed. "Well how do we know it's mine? It could be Murderface's. Or Skwisgaar's. Could even be Toki's. In fact I'm sure it's Toki's. It would have to be. He went last."

Toki raised his head. "Dat makes no sense. No, is too big. Has to be Nathan's."

Skwisgaar reached over to prod the lump under the shirt. “Ja, dat's a littles Nat'ans, alright. See, overs heres, you's can feels da thick skulls.”

Nathan glared at him. Pickles meanwhile pulled out a pillow and looked at it.

"Dood, look at that. It has little reindeers all over it. Must be Toki's." He handed him the pillow. Toki took it and examined the pillow, then sniffed it, making a face.

"Augh! Smells like arm pits. Is Murderface's."

Murderface shrugged. “At leasht it wash an eashy birth.” He accepted his pillow-baby from Toki. “What’sh the nexsht one look like?”

Pickles pulls out a second pillow. "Dood it's white with grey trim." He looked at Charles, affronted. "AHFDENSEN HOW COULD YOU!"

Charles held up his hands. “I have no memory of ever touching you. You must have drugged and taken advantage of me. I'm violated.”

Pickles’ eyes grow wide and his jaw dropped. “Oh you’re just plain evil.”

“Yes. Yes I am. Thank you for noticing.”

Pickles snorted with amusement, then put the pillow down, yawning, beginning to feel the stress of the day He laid down beside Toki, spooning against him and shutting his eyes. Charles watched him with affection.

“It's... kinda odd having you here,” said Nathan to Charles. “You've... never joined the pile before."

Charles blinked in surprise at the remark, then looked around as if realizing just where he was. “Oh. Well, I... I'm not exactly in the pile. I'm just near it.”

"Well, once the two beds are shoved together then... being on the bed counts as in the pile."

Pickles yawned. "Yeah the pile has rules."

“Rules?” Charles inquired.

"Ja," said Toki. "Has rules. If you is ons da bed, you is in da pile. Dat means you has to stay untils morning. An' you can'ts be a dick. Is likes sacreds grounds. An' no one who nots parts of da families can be here. No groupies. And anyt'ing anyone says ins da pile can'ts be tolds unless everybodies says it can."

Charles nodded. “I see. I suppose that makes sense. But... I have to stay?”

"Well, I mean... you can leave for the bathroom, stuff like that,” said Nathan.

Charles looked decidedly uncomfortable with this information. “Well... I do wish you'd informed me before I put my bags in the other room.” He thoroughly and suspiciously inspected the bed. “I suppose there's room enough...”

"Or you could just be a party pooper," said Nathan in a small voice.

“Well, I wouldn't quite be me if I wasn't. But ...I suppose I could give it a try.”

As Charles looked around, Nathan realized in horror that Charles somehow had managed to get the jelly willy stuck that flew out of his nose stuck to his sleeve. Oh… brutal. Oh man what did he do now?

"You... you don't have to stay," Nathan said quietly, trying to think of a way to get the willy off Charles without Charles noticing. "It... was just kinda fun having you here."

Pickles whispered something into Toki's ear. Toki clamped both hands over his mouth in a desperate attempt not to laugh. Skwisgaar gave Toki a puzzled look.

“Whut Pickle says?”

Toki repeated in Norwegian. "He said he hads mental image of Nathan writing in a diary with a fluffy pen, writing Charlie's name over and over wit’s little hearts and butterflies."

Skwisgaar burst out laughing so hard he choked. Nathan glared at the three hyenas.

"I thought you guys were tired."

Toki shook his head. "No is turns into giggles now." Toki suddenly cracked up and switched back to his own language as a thought struck him. "And he's wearing one of those fluffy pink teddies and has the big fluffy slippers on!"

Skwisgaar laughed so hard that no sound emerged, he simply turned red, face twisted in mirth, fisting pounding the mattress. Pickles was laughing so hard he fell off the bed, implying someone has been teaching him Norwegian. Nathan just sighed.

"Oh this is brutal. It's like... me trying to date after Rebecca all over again."

Charles looked puzzled. “Why is it like that?”

Nathan turned purple because he did not want to explain the remark, especially while Pickles and Toki nearly wet themselves in amusement. Charles watched Nathan with some concern and… well… a bit of amusement as well.

“Nathan, are you alright? Your face is flushed. Do you have a fever?” He raised his hand and pressed the back of it to Nathan's forehead. “I told you that you had to dress warmly up here or you could catch something.”

Murderface grumbled "Well he wash out running around in the shnow without his scarf on poking out the other kids' eyes."

Nathan shook his head. "No I'm fine Charles, I'm just..." He looked over at Toki, Pickles and Skwisgaar, who were all still giggling and snorting. "I'm just a little annoyed."

Charles smiled faintly, sliding his hand off Nathan's forehead, tucking a tendril of his hair behind his ear before taking his hand away. “Have they been picking on you again?”

Nathan growled quietly. Pickles assumed the role of 'grampa' and sat up to put an arm around Murderface, who is still happily wearing his granny apron.

"Well Mabel we're just going to have to give the little bastards their own rooms. Poor little Nathan can't defend himself from those big bruisers."

Murderface sighed. “He alwaysh wash a shenshitive boy...”

Nathan growled once more, a little more loudly this time. Why was he here? Why did he put up with these dildos? Why did his life just suck so much ass? Then Toki piped up.

"Aw don'ts be sad, Nat'an, soon as we all goes to sleeps you can tell Charlies you likes him."

Skwisgaar broke off in mid-guffaw to stare at Toki in stunned disbelief. Toki looked back at Skwisgaar.

"I said dat out louds, didn't I?

Skwisgaar nodded mutely. Toki slowly hid under the covers until he was just a lump. A hand emerged briefly from beneath the covers, grabbed Deddy, and pulled him under the blankets as well. Nathan took advantage of the distraction to pick the willy off Charles’ sleeve and toss the offensive confection out the window before speaking.

"I do like you,” he admitted. “I like you a lot. You can.... point and laugh now if you want."

Charles blinked, managing to keep his expression mostly neutral, but smiled very faintly. “Nathan, I'm not going to...” He glanced at the others, who were watching intently, four pairs of very bright blinking eyes, including Toki who was peeking out from under the covers. “Ah... Is it possible we could do this without an audience?”

"Nope," said Pickles. "Pile rules."

Nathan rather forcefully fed Pickles a chunk of cheese, then turned to Charles. "It... is against the rules to leave the pile but... I think in this instance we can make an exception."

“Oh I shupport that,” said Murderface. “I don't wanna watch thish, it'sh jusht gonna be awkward...”

"Aw I wanted to watch," said Toki in a small voice.

Nathan looked at Charles. "Where do you want to go?"

Charles knew there was nothing he could do to counteract the suggestiveness of what he was about to say, but he still attempted to say it in as neutral a tone of voice as possible. “I have my own room.”

"COOL!" said Pickles. "Where is it? I have a drill...."

Nathan winced and closed his eyes, counting to ten before speaking. "Okay. Let's go there."

Charles nodded. “Ah. Just... follow me.”

He rose from the bed and walked to the door as Skwisgaar stuffed both fists into his mouth to keep himself from saying anything that would get his fine little ass kicked. Pickles was apparently thinking similar things because he was trying desperately hard to keep himself from laughing. Toki came out from under the covers and sat up.

"Don't gets on top, Nat'an, he's only littles!"

Pickles' eyes bugged out. "TOKI! Dood what is up with you!"

Skwisgaar’s jaw hung, unable to believe what he just heard come out of Toki’s mouth. He leapt off the bed to rifle through their luggage, and found Toki's emergency bag of candy. He took a handful of taffy and stuffed it into Toki's mouth. Toki chewed happily; he knew if he was bad enough long enough then somebody would cough up the sugar.

Charles paused and blushed just the tiniest bit, but he made no other indication that he heard Toki and kept on walking. Nathan followed after Charles, speaking once they left the room.

"Don't... don't mind them. They're just... playing. They don't mean any harm."

“I know they don't,” said Charles quietly. They reached his room, and Charles unlocked his door, holding it open for Nathan. “Go ahead.”

Nathan walked into the room, feeling strange and off-balance. He looked around at how neatly arranged the room was. Nothing thrown onto the floor or dumped onto the bed; this was the room of an adult. No candy or booze or notepads or shorts tossed around, just neat and orderly things put away. Nathan suddenly felt immensely stupid. What the hell was he doing here? Who was he kidding? Charles wouldn't give him a chance, why would a guy with a doctorate in mathematics want to waste his time on a drop out?

"Maybe this was a mistake," said Nathan quietly.

Charles looked at him, puzzled. “What's a mistake? Coming to Norway? Toki needed you. I have serious doubts he'd even be alive if you weren't here. He'd be at the bottom of that lake as well.”

Nathan shook his head. "Nah. I don't mean that. I mean... me liking you. So... you can tell me why we can't be together and I'll just... go back to the guys." Nathan hung his head, looking like the vet just told him his puppy wouldn't make it.

“Nathan, the way you feel is never a mistake, regardless of what I might... Come sit down.”

Nathan felt his heart sink. He had been dumped enough times by enough nice people to know that "come sit down" was the opening phrase to "you know I care about you, but...” Nathan walked slowly over to the bed, sitting down on it. He was going to be rejected. He knew it. Charles was a thoroughbred. He could dance and hold witty conversations and fence. He could run a major corporation with his eyes closed, and Nathan knew Charles’ attention was coveted; he'd seen other thoroughbreds hanging around. Men with breeding and education, and family histories that went back centuries. Charles wasn't going to waste his time with a high school loser who could barely spell his own name.

Charles sat next to Nathan, concerned with how defeated he looked before anything had even been said. “So... You like me?”

"Yeah," said Nathan quietly. "Yeah I do like you. A lot. I always have but... lately... it's really grown. Um... you know that Irish whiskey you like? The kind that... you always say you can't find because only a few people import it and it's expensive as hell? I... I'm the one who... went into your study and... put four bottles of it in your cabinet. I thought if you knew it came from me you wouldn't want it."

Charles smiled slightly. “That isn't true. And… I knew it was you.”

Nathan looked up, puzzled. "You did? You didn't say anything."

Charles nodded. “I have security cameras in my quarters. I thought since you did it in secret, you wouldn't want it brought up.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Then I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid. Anyway, uh... I know you're just... trying to find a nice way to tell me there's no way in hell you'd want me. I mean... I've seen some of the guys you go out with, and... if this was five hundred years ago I'd be shovelling stalls or scrounging in an alley and... you don't have to find a nice way to tell me that I'm beneath you. I already know."

“Nathan, that is not what I'm trying to say. You shouldn't always assume people are thinking the worst of you. All I'm doing right now is trying to understand how you feel. And I'm not sure what you're referring to, seeing as I haven't gone on anything that can feasibly be called a "date" in at least two years.”

Nathan fixed him with that cold look he got when he thought he was being lied to. "Oh come on. Who was that tall guy with the auburn hair and the posh accent driving the Jaguar? He showed up with a bottle of Glenfiddich and a fucking Rolex, you trying to tell me he's not interested?"

Charles’ eyes widened. “You don't think I actually reciprocated in any manner, do you? Did you ever listen to the man speak for more than two seconds? He’s an arrogant jackass! I'm not sure he was even really gay, he just wanted me in his pocket.” He grimaced at the memory and made a noise not unlike Skwisgaar's trademark scoff. “Tssh. Who was he trying to fool with that watch anyway? I'm richer than him.” He thought about what he just said, then cleared his throat. “But that's not the issue.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly. "Well aren't we a princess!"

“I'm allowed one moment of superiority per day.”

Nathan grinned. "He was really fine, though. C'mon. You trying to tell me you didn't take his watch and his whiskey, go for a ride on his magic carpet and then toss him out on his ear?"

Charles was affronted. “Of course, I didn't--!” He stared at Nathan in disbelief. “Did you... Did you just call it the "magic carpet"?”

Nathan shrugged. "C'mon, you can tell me the truth, ya did, didn't you? Fuck I would have. Pickles almost broke an ankle staring at the guy, but he told Pickles to piss off because he didn't date ill-bred ruffians and he had something much finer on the line."

“I did not! I don't sleep with that breed of egotistical bastards. It's too much work to get that iron stick out of their ass first. And I certainly don't sleep with anyone who insults you boys.”

Nathan moves a little closer so their noses were almost touching. "So what breed of egotistical bastard do you sleep with?" he asked quietly.

Charles did not answer the question. “Nathan. All those things you mentioned on the phone that you said you didn't think about... Do you?”

Nathan backed away, becoming shy. "Yeah. I do. I think about you all the time. How you look, how you smell, how much I'd like to be your wash-cloth. And then I get really sad because.... I know you wouldn't ever want me back. You know that really disturbed love song I wrote a while back, the one you said should be the new single and I said no? You thought it was about Rebecca. It wasn't. It was about you."

Charles blinked, pulling back as well in surprise. It was not as though he thought himself completely beyond song inspiration; he was fairly certain "Briefcase Full of Guts" had something to do with him, though the odd and completely out of place line "Hold you while you scream" did admittedly baffle him at the times

“That... That was about me?”

Nathan nodded. "Well... Pickles helped with some of the lines, but... yeah. I wrote it about you. About how much I want you. And... about how I kinda feel hopeless and dead about it. Because I'm not good enough for you."

Charles slowly and carefully moved closer to Nathan, his voice trembling just a little as he said quietly; “Nathan, did you ever consider the possibility that you're the only one who thinks that?”

"No. I mean... did you hear all the jokes Leno made about me and Rebecca? And Rebecca was a messed up bitch, but she really did like me. And when she was on that other talk show, the one with all the women, they were practically pissing themselves over what a loser I was. One of them even asked if she had to buy me chew toys and how often I needed to be de-wormed at the vet's. Rebecca said not to worry about it but I know what people think of me."

“Nathan, I don't think that.”

"Oh come on Charles, if anyone has reason to think it then you do. I mean... hell you live with me. Don't you remember the night Murderface bet me I couldn't shove a light bulb up my ass? We've got a pool started for when you finally lose it and kill us all in our sleep. Murderface says you'll use a shotgun but Pickles thinks you'll use a knife because it'll attract less attention. The only thing we haven't figured out is how to collect afterwards."

Charles raised one hand to his own hair, gripping it in frustration. This was hard for him; he had always tried to keep at least a superficial distance between himself and the boys, but that distance isn't doing him any favours here. “

“Please. I need you to listen to what I'm trying to say.”

"I'm trying. I know I'm just frustrating the hell out of you but I'm trying."

“I know, just... give me a moment. Please.” Charles gathered himself, breathing in deeply and speaking carefully. “I am not trying to let you down easy. I am not rejecting you. I do not think you are not good enough for me, and I cannot stress that point enough. I... I'm trying to say... that I like you, Nathan. Quite a bit. In a manner extremely comparable to the way in which you previously explained you feel about me.”

Nathan blinked at Charles in complete and utter astonishment, astounded by the admission.

"I didn't see that coming," he mumbled.

“Well... I do.”

Nathan's brain tried to take in this information, unable to grasp the concept that Charles was not rejecting him. Or maybe he was. Maybe this was where Charles said "I like you too but we can't be together because of this reason." Nathan waited for the "but".

Charles peered up at Nathan, confused by his silence and a little worried. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. “Um... Is that... okay?”

"Yeah," said Nathan quietly. "I'm just... waiting to wake up or something. I... I dunno. It's like... something won't let me believe it, even though I want to more than anything."

Charles moved closer, slowly, carefully watching Nathan’s reaction. He lightly placed his hand on Nathan's, then gently squeezed.

“What will help you believe it?”

"I don't know. I guess my self-esteem sucks even more than I thought it did, and I was already pretty sure it sucked a lot."

Nathan lowered his head slightly, gauging Charles' response. No way in hell Charles would let him kiss him. No way. Or would he? Nathan nudged a little closer. Charles smelled like expensive cologne and good brandy. It was a pretty enticing combination. Nathan dipped his head further to sniff his collar. Charles shivered slightly, letting Nathan do as he pleased, enjoying having him so close. He leaned in slightly, attempting to discreetly sniff Nathan as well, smelling beer and sweat and something else, something warm that he liked.

“I'm... I'm glad you're here. I wanted you to come back here with me.” Charles laughed briefly and quietly. “I'm glad Toki gave me an excuse.”

"Yeah well... I think Toki kinda likes the idea of us being together." Nathan pulled back slightly when Charles edged closer, but then relaxed and moved close once more, openly sniffing him now. Very lightly, he nipped his collar.

Charles shivered, more noticeably this time, not making any sound but tilting his head very slightly to the side, baring a little more of his neck to Nathan. “He's a sweet kid.” Charles squeezed Nathan's hand again before releasing it to lightly rest his hand on his knee. “Nathan... I think about you, too, you know?”

Oh that's great. Charles thinks about him. He can just imagine some of the things Charles thinks about him. Nathan delicately nipped the offered skin. "Oh yeah?" he grinned. "Wondering how your life went so wrong?"

Charles smiled, moving even closer, encouraging him to continue. “Not exactly.”

Nathan nipped him again. "You could have been anything, Charles. Anything at all. How the hell did you end up here?" He reached up to gently touch his face, lightly trailing the back of his hand over Charles' jaw. Charles turned into the touch, closing his eyes in quiet pleasure.

“I almost didn't.”

"Might have been better for you if you hadn't. Worse for us. Better for you."

Charles shook his head slightly. “No, I don't think so.”

Nathan raised his head, looking into soft brown eyes. "What would you do if I kissed you?"

Charles smiled warmly at Nathan, and, instead of answering, leaned in and kissed him.