Messin' With the Kid

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles, Toki/Skwisgaar.
Warnings: Misbehaving teen boys
Summary: Lydia’s first dance does not go as she hoped.
Notes: Just another one of those pesky tub-bunnies.

This story is a stand-alone tale, but if you are confused about Lydia and where she came from, go and read DethFantasy and Babyklok - in that order.

"You know the kid's no child, and I don't play,
I says what I mean and I mean what I say.
Oh yeah, oh look at what you did.
You can call it what you want to,
I call it messin' with the kid…"
-- Junior Wells

Lydia walked down the hall of the great stone keep that she and her family called home. It was ten-twenty at night, and she was just coming home from her first high school dance, a whole ten minutes before curfew and eleven minutes before Uncle Skwisgaar would be calling the cops to find out where she was. At least her dad would give her a half hour before unleashing the roadies. But not Skwisgaar. After his many years of being the biggest man-whore in rock and roll, there wasn’t a boy alive Skwisgaar liked or trusted. He more than anyone knew how sneaky males were when it came to talking girls out of their clothes, and his years with Toki hadn’t mended his attitude. Beside Lydia the boy who had escorted her to the dance seemed to be in an excellent mood, even if Lydia herself was less than cheerful. He rolled his eyes at her.

“Oh come on, you’re not still pissed about that, are you? It was just a joke, get over it.”

“I’m not mad,” said Lydia quietly.

“Well you’re sulking. Stop it.”

She shrugged. “Okay.”

Lydia was fourteen, and not the prettiest girl in school. She had her father’s broad, heavy frame, and her mother’s acute near-sightedness, which meant she wore glasses. She was a big, gawky girl with black hair that went down to her backside, predatory green eyes, and the same tendril of hair that fell over her right eye and refused to stay in place as her father. Fortunately, however, she had Charles’ fine, straight nose. The Explosion hooked beak would have been too much to bear.

Lydia did not know it, but one day she would be beautiful. She would be tall, and broad-shouldered, with a classic, statuesque figure. She would grow into her big bones, and be a regal beauty, an Amazon queen made flesh. Right now she was a ungainly fourteen year old with glasses and big knees, who had been thrilled to get an invitation to the dance at her school, from Danny Lydon, no less, the cutest boy in her class. Lydia still recalled Skwisgaar’s look of disdain when she told him about Danny that morning.

“Don’ts like it.”

“Don’t like what?” she demanded with typical teen-girl melodrama. “You’re not happy when I don’t get asked to these things, and now that I do get asked out, you’re still not happy! Make up your mind.”

Murderface was all too happy to placate the girl. “He would, shweetie, but… he’s blonde.”

Lydia stared at Skwisgaar, sensing that he had a reason for not liking the situation, even if he wasn’t sharing it. She then looked towards her mother, who had a similar expression on his face. Great. When her mother and Uncle Skwisgaar were on the same page, it was bound to be a disaster.

“It’s just a school dance! I’ll be home by ten thirty.” She turned to Charles, nibbling her toast. “He asked if he could see the house. Is that okay?”

“As long as he follows the house rules that’s just fine.”

She hugged him. “Thanks mom.”

Now as Lydia walked through the house, her stomach in knots, fist clenched, fighting back the tears, she thought about the interaction. She knew now what Skwisgaar had been thinking but would not say. Why would the cutest guy in her class suddenly ask out a girl who wasn’t that attractive or popular? Unless she just happened to live with the biggest rock band the planet had ever seen, of course…

“Hey this place is awesome!” Danny said. “You could do what you want and no one would know!”

“Not really,” said Lydia. “There are roadies all over. They’d let my parents know pretty fast if I was doing something I shouldn’t.”

Danny snorted. “Parents. They’re not your parents, they’re a couple of fags who adopted you, what do you care what they say?”

Lydia was well aware of how she had come into the world. Her parents had told her. She knew Nathan was her father, and she knew Charles was her mother, and she knew how the whole situation had come to be. They never hid anything from her, even if the rest of the world thought that her referring to Charles as ‘mom’ was simply a term of affection for her father’s male lover, who had helped raise her.

“My dad is my dad,” she said irritably.

“So where’s your mom?”

“Probably in the main room… with my dad.”

He rolled his eyes. “Nerd-Fag is not your mom.”

“Don’t call my mom Nerd-Fag.”

“You’re really stupid, you know that.”

Lydia was not stupid, and she knew it. She owed her physical appearance to Nathan, but inside she was pure Ofdensen; intelligent, calculating, and not to be underestimated. She had promised to show Danny the inside of her house, and to introduce him to her family. It was a promise she had every intention of keeping. Especially the introduction part…

She entered the main fire hall, and six pairs of eyes shifted towards her. It was not until she saw them that her carefully controlled outer façade crumbled, and she ran to the nearest available body. She leapt onto Pickles and threw her arms around him, pressing her face against him as he put his arms around her.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Lydia drew a breath, then released him so she could speak, angrily wiping her sleeve across her streaming eyes before pointing an accusing finger square at Danny.

“He stole the clean panties I had in my gym locker for when I change after class, and he showed them to everyone at the party, and said I had sex with him and his two brothers in the storage closet!”

The room went horribly quiet, save for the sound of bodies rising from where they had been laying. Lydia stared at Danny, watching his blue eyes grow large as Dethklok prowled to her side like wolves, focusing their attention square on him. Danny swallowed.

“It… it was just… a joke,” he squeaked.

Skwisgaar pulled a double-headed battle axe off the wall as Nathan began to growl. Murderface drew his ever-present knife. Pickles stared Irish-American death at the boy as Toki prowled over to stand with the group, angrier than Lydia had ever seen him. She stood before the pack, facing Danny, and wiped her face with her sleeve again. She sniffed, and then narrowed her green eyes, looking remarkably like Nathan when she did.

“I’d serpentine if I were you,” she said.

Danny began to slowly back up, staring at the five highly pissed-off rockers stalking after him. Suddenly he turned and ran, screaming for help, Nathan, Pickles, Toki, Skwisgaar and Murderface tearing after him. Lydia glanced up as she felt an arm go around her, turning towards the warmth and safety of her mother.

“It was awful! I was so embarrassed!”

“It’s all right now,” said Charles. “But the next time your Uncle Skwisgaar says he doesn’t like a boy…”

“I’ll listen to him.”

“Good. Now let’s go get some ice cream.”

She smiled. “Yeah.”

Together they walked out of the main room, hearing Danny screaming for mercy as he tore down the hall at top speed.

“They won’t hurt him, will they?” Lydia asked. “I mean he’s a jerk, but…”

“Oh no,” said Charles. “They’ll just wear him out for the snipers.” Charles reached into his pocket and pulled out his deth phone, calling the front door, a wicked little smile playing over his lips.

“It’s show time,” he said

Moments later there was a shot, and the high-pitched shriek of a teenaged boy getting a rubber bullet in the ass as he fled five pissed-off rock stars. He made it to the front gate and was gone, escaping well in time to avoid another rubber bullet to the butt. However no teen boy ran fast enough to avoid the phone call his mother was about to get. Lydia paused at a window to watch Danny head down the road, noticing that his pants were strangely wet. Well maybe she wasn’t the prettiest or most popular girl in school. But chances were no one would be pulling any more mean pranks on her. As Skwisgaar, Pickles and Toki pried Nathan off the gate before he could climb it and head after the boy, Lydia hugged Charles as they continued along towards the kitchen.

“You’re the best mom ever.”

He smiled. “M-hm. Yes. Yes I am.”