Tea Party

Rating: G
Category: AU
Pairing(s): The Unusual Suspects.
Warnings: None.
Summary: Ifalna has a friend.
Notes: It’s a brain-fart, folks. I tried wearing earplugs but they just get out anyway. I blame it entirely on Animama and Pointy. They know why. (Pointy blinks innocently)

This story has accompanying illustrations by Animama.

“More tea?”

Aeris was currently alone in Cid and Vincent’s house. Cid and Vincent had taken the children to the doctor for shots and check-ups, Serafina was out shopping, and Teddy was off with David. That left her and her two children in the calm grandeur that was Valentine Manor. Anise was asleep, and Ifalna was in the guest room that she had claimed as her own. Aeris could hear her child speaking to someone, her small voice echoing faintly down the stone halls, but heard no response.

“Must be playing with her dolls,” said Aeris to herself, and continued working on the tiny embroidered white flowers that would adorn a shawl she was making for Serafina. She glanced up again as she heard a thud, and then giggling.

“No! Stop!”

Aeris listened to the sounds of play, and looked around. Skippy was asleep on his pillow. So she was not playing with the wolf. Well who was the child playing with? There was more giggling and thumping, then Ifalna came down stairs, rumpled and bright-eyed, carrying a small plate. She went into the kitchen, and Aeris could see she began filling it with grapes and cookies.

“Ifalna, don’t you think you’ve had enough?” said Aeris.

“I haven’t had any! Capey-cape got it all!”

“Capey-cape?”

“Yeah! She’s my friend!”

“And… do I know her?”

Ifalna nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“Is she imaginary?”

“Nope. She lives here.”

Aeris was by now completely puzzled and overwhelmed with curiosity. She set aside her embroidery and rose to her feet.

“Okay. Show me.”

Ifalna shrugged and walked over to her mother, taking her hand. Together they went up the stairs, Ifalna carrying the plate full of cookies and grapes. They reached the room Ifalna was using, and Aeris growled as she immediately noticed that the frightfully expensive china doll in the antique lace gown Rufus swore he would not buy for her daughter was sitting in the corner. It was resting in a matching doll-sized oak rocking chair that he had also sworn he would not buy for Ifalna. Rufus, it seemed, still enjoyed tormenting her. Ifalna sensed her mother’s annoyance.

“Don’t be mad at Uncle Rufus!”

“Uncle Rufus needs a swat! I told him that doll was too expensive!”

“He said ‘define expensive’.”

“I’ll ‘define’ him right in the butt with my boot! Your daddy will not be pleased.”

Ifalna looked a little sad. “I said that, too. Uncle Rufus said he doesn’t care if daddy has a complete fit so long as he wakes up.”

Aeris sighed. “I know how he feels.”

“Me too,” said Ifalna quietly.

Aeris put an arm around her daughter and gave her a hug. “Well did you say thank you?”

“Uh-huh! I drew him a thank-you card and everything.”

“Good. Okay, now…” Aeris spied a tattered red cape lying on the floor beside a small table set up for tea. “Ifalna why is Vincent’s cape up here? It’s not a toy.”

“She comes up here. She likes me.”

“Is that Capey-cape?”

“Yes. We play all the time.”

“Is that okay with Vincent?”

“I don’t think he knows. Like I said, she comes up here on her own.”

“Ifalna honey she can’t come up here on her own, she’s a cape. I mean IT is a cape. Either way it cannot move all on its own. And it certainly does not eat grapes and cookies.”

“Sure she can! Watch!”

Aeris watched as Ifalna set the tray down before the tattered red garment. Aeris could not help but recall her mother’s blue shawl, and how many tea parties she had with that, using it as a means of keeping her biological mother close with her. She had offered it cookies, too. But it never accepted them.

“Ifalna Capey-cape can’t…”

Aeris drew a slow gasp as one of the tendrils reached out slowly, like a blind snake, seeking and finding a sugar cookie. It grasped it, and quickly yanked it into its folds the way a sea anemone did bits of food. He jaw dropped and her eyes became huge. Ifalna giggled.

“See? She did eat all the cookies!”

“That’s amazing! I wonder what else she eats?”

“Anything! She loves oranges!’

“Show me!”

Ifalna ran down stairs, returning moments later with a couple of oranges. Before the child even reached the cape, a tendril was up and seeking, taking an orange and shoving it into the folds. Aeris laughed.

“That’s so funny!” She took the second orange and held it out to the cape. Sure enough, it was grabbed and “devoured”.

“I’ll get some more!” said Ifalna.

She ran out of the room once more, returning shortly with bread, apples, nuts, and carrots. All were gleefully accepted. Aeris laughed in delight and astonishment.

“How perfectly silly! Does Vincent know?”

Ifalna shrugged. “I don’t know. But she does lots of things. And if Cid and Vincent are having a spat, she sits in the corner and won’t play. And if they are happy then she is happy. She only wouldn’t play twice, once when Vincent lost his baby and that other time Cid stayed out all night getting drunk with his crew.”

Aeris recalled that night. She’d done a little hiding in the corner herself. Vincent may be small but he certainly could get angry if the situation called for it. And an angry Vincent was a cold, quiet, scary Vincent.

“Well I’m starting supper. You and Capey-cape can share the cookies but no more. You will ruin your appetite.”

“Okay mom.”

Aeris went down stairs and began making dinner. She was still cooking when Cid and Vincent came home with three very unhappy and angry babies, all who had inoculation marks on their arms.

“So do they hate you?” asked Aeris, giggling.

Cid grinned. “Oh yeah, big time. Right Benji?”

“Bastard!”

“Told ya. What’s for dinner?”

“Well I had some extra time so I decided to make chicken corn chowder. I know how you like it.”

“Bury me in it when I die.”

“Yuck! Well it’s nearly done. Did you want some?”

Yeah sure, just set it on the table, babe.”

He gave her a swat on the ass as he walked by on his way to the livingroom. Aeris growled. She was getting used to him, but she was still having fantasies about lacing his dinner with laxatives and assorted sex-drive killing drugs. Honestly she wondered how Vincent got any rest. She was pretty certain Cid cornered him at least twice a day, and those were just the times Vincent let him get away with it. She glanced over at the small, quiet man who was getting Aiden out of his coat.

“Whatever did you marry him for?” she asked.

“He tricked me,” said Vincent. “He said he liked me.”

Aeris sighed and shook her head. “And you fell for it.”

“Well I had been locked in a coffin for thirty years, I was a little desperate by then…”

“HEY!” Cid called from the next room.

Vincent smiled, and, hoisting his sleeping child, followed after Cid. Together they took their three children upstairs. Aeris began taking bowls out of the cupboard and serving up the chowder. She was just sitting down when Cid and Vincent returned, followed by Ifalna. Cid and Vincent were discussing something.

“It is,” said Vincent quietly, firmly.

“It’s not.”

“I’m telling you it is.”

“Well you haven’t worn it in a while, maybe it just seems heavier.”

“Cid I almost live in that cape, I think I know how much it weighs.”

“Well, yeah, I know, but… clothing doesn’t gain weight, babe.”

“It did. It weighs at least ten pounds more than it did and it smells like oranges and sugar cookies. And she’s not a common piece of clothing. She’s alive.”

“Right, I keep forgetting that. Well maybe it’s pregnant.”

Aeris nearly spewed chowder across the table as she had a sudden mental image of tiny baby capes running all over the house. As she fought to get herself under control, Ifalna admitted shyly; “It’s my fault.”

“What’s your fault, honey?” asked Cid.

“That the cape weighs more. I’ve been feeding her.”

Cid froze, and stared at the child for a long, astounded moment. He leaned forward, facing her.

“It eats?”

Ifalna nodded. “Oranges and cookies mostly, but she’ll eat pretty much anything. Eggs, sandwiches, ice cream, dog food, tea…”

“So she drinks too?” said Cid.

Ifalna nodded. “Oh yeah. She’s crazy about grape soda.”

Cid let out a whoop of victory. “In your face, Valentine! I told you there was no way in hell I could kill off seventeen bottles of beer by myself!”

Vincent rolled his eyes. “Fine. You didn’t drink seventeen bottles of beer. You still threw up on me during… well… you still threw up.”

“Eeeeeeeeyewwwwww….” said Aeris.

“My thoughts exactly,” said Vincent.

Cid leaned forward and kissed him. “I said I was sorry.”

“After you stopped laughing.”

Cid grinned, then sat back and picked up a piece of bread, smearing butter on it as a thoughtful expression crossed his face. He glanced at Ifalna.

“So… it eats.”

The child nodded.

“And drinks.”

“Uh-huh.”

Cid bit his bread, thinking as he chewed. He swallowed and said; “And we all know that with organisms that eat and drink what goes in generally comes out in an altered state.”

“What are you getting at?” asked Aeris.

Cid grinned. “I think I just figured out what those weird little piles of mashed-up food with the bits of red string in them that we keep finding all over the house are.”