Manor House
Chapter Nine

Rating: PG
Category: AU, so very very AU
Pairing(s): Cloud/Reno, Tifa/Barret, Aeris/Tseng, Zack/Sephiroth, Vincent/Cid, Reeve/Rufus, Yuffie/Elena, Charles/Nathan, Toki/Skwisgaar.
Warnings: Relatives. Silliness. That’s about it.
Summary: Aldus Shinra discovers Pickles materia, Tifa and Barret make breakfast, Cid and Charles discuss family, and Andy has a MOST memorable birthday party.
Notes: Vincent’s list-rant dedicated to everyone who has ever been pregnant. The fact that no one sings ‘Happy Birthday’ at Andy’s party is directly related to the author’s intense loathing of that song. I have decided it does not exist on Gaia.

It was a restless night. The entire household was disturbed by what was happening, and the spring storm made things no easier. Rhiannon cried until Vincent got her and brought her into bed with him and Cid. Then Benji pushed the door open and toddled in, dragging Miss Pinky. He climbed onto the bed and onto Cid’s back, and was asleep in a moment.

“I think we need a bigger bed,” grumbled Cid, a rather large and hefty toddler snoring in his ear. “Why does this kid have to sleep on my back, anyway?”

Vincent was rolled into a ball, his nose buried into the covers Rhiannon tucked against him. “Maybe he’s recalling his past life as a cat.”

The door was nudged open again, this time by Aiden, who was dragging his own favourite toy – a furry green dragon with big floppy wings. But he did not go to the bed. Instead he made his way to the window seat and climbed onto it, preferring his own space but comforted by the nearness of his family.

“That’s all of them,” mumbled Vincent.

“Is the wolf in here too?”

“M-hm. And the kittens.”

“Then that’s all of them.”

Silence. Then… the sound of boots on the step; heavy-soled black leather boots. The door was nudged open, and this time a large figure over six feet in height and carrying Deddy Bear roamed in. The bed sank appreciably beneath Toki’s muscled frame as he flopped down between Cid and Vincent, curled onto his side, and was soon deep asleep. Vincent sighed quietly and raised his head to regard the interloper.

“Cid?”

“Yeah babe?”

“I think Toki is old enough to have his own room.”

“He’s just scared.”

“He’s easily as large as you are.”

Cid grinned. “They grow up so fast.”

“Cid?”

“Hm?”

“I want a bigger bed. If you’re going to insist on adopting random rock stars, I want a bigger bed.”

“Really? I thought you were going to tell me to get him out of here.”

“Would it do any good if I did?”

“No.”

“Then I want a bigger bed.”

“Your bitch is my command, my little mouse angel.”

Vincent gave Cid a puzzled look. “Mouse angel?”

“Yeah. That’s what Miki said bats are. Mouse angels.”

Vincent laughed quietly. “I like that.” He sighed quietly, running a hand over Toki’s hair. “He’s dead asleep already, he’s exhausted. He must have sleep-walked here. Why can’t he stay with Skwisgaar?”

“Because Skwisgaar is already a mess and the treatments for mako poisoning are damned painful. Don’t you remember what Cloud went through? No, Skwisgaar needs dark and silence. They won’t let Toki into the ward. All he has to do is sneeze and the strain could kill Skwisgaar. The treatments make the patient really weak at first, and Skwisgaar wasn’t exactly strong to begin with. He’s gonna be real fragile for a while.”

“What about Pickles? He’s sick too, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s uh… a slightly different story…”

Meanwhile, far away at the Healin Spa, Pickles sat quietly on a bed in a dimly lit room, surrounded by a very large team of doctors. In amongst them stood Charles, observing the situation. Dr. Gaywell shone a light into Pickles’ eyes, and watched the bright luminous glow that emanated from them. She lowered the light. The doctors stared in astonishment. Pickles blinked back.

“And… you feel….how, exactly?” inquired Aldus Shinra.

“Hungry. I could really go for some cheese.”

“Hungry?” said Aldus, as if uncertain as to what he had just heard.

“Yeah.”

“You should be vomiting up your major organs.”

“Well… maybe I’m naht that sick…?”

Dr. Gaywell shone the light into his eyes once more. “I don’t think that’s likely.”

“We could do a blood test,” said Dr. Pierce. “Andy, get me a needle, would you?”

Andy dutifully went for a needle and prepared to take a blood sample. Pickles watched as Andy tied off the arm and slid the needle into a vein.

“Oh awesome!” Pickles exclaimed as bluish fluid with a faint green glow flowed into the syringe.

“Why is this man still breathing?” Aldus asked Gaywell. She shook her head, jaw hanging.

“I… have no answer. Pickles do you mind if we run a few tests?”

“Knock yourselves out.”

“So… blue-green blood is bad, is it?” inquired Charles.

“Bad would be an understatement,” said Dr. Pierce. “At this saturation level his blood should be the consistency of cake batter, his mucus membranes like latex and his skin like glass. He should be a gigantic piece of materia.”

Pickles materia. The mind boggled. Charles could only imagine what that would summon in battle – probably a couple bottles of vodka and a tennis racket.

They ran tests. They ran a lot of tests. All said the same thing. At his current mako saturation, Pickles should be dead. He should be a solid piece of materia. Instead he was out in the yard hitting golf balls and following after the strange little animals that called the spa grounds home.

“Well what do we do with him?” asked Charles. He was gazing out of Aldus Shinra’s office window, watching Pickles cautiously creep up on some kind of tiny dragon. It eeped threateningly, arching its back and thrashed its tail warningly. They had been up all night, and now it was past breakfast and creeping towards lunch.

“Take him home,” said Aldus. “There’s nothing we can do with him, and if we start treatment then it may just cause problems. So far he seems perfectly fine.”

“What if he gets sick?” Charles watched Pickles creep closer to the tiny green dragon.

“There’s nothing we can do. He’s dead, Mr. Ofdensen. His body just refuses to acknowledge it.”

The dragon huffed a violent gust of wind. Pickles retreated. Charles sighed. “And what about Skwisgaar?”

“He might have a chance. We’re doing everything we can.”

“When will we know if he is improving?”

“When we can turn the lights on.”

***---***

Vincent wandered into the kitchen yawning, dressed in his shorts and one of Cid’s old t-shirts. He paused in mid-yawn to stare sourly at the two pairs of large hopeful eyes and the four course breakfast of all his favourites laid out for him on the rustic wooden kitchen table.

“Good morning!” said Tifa brightly.

“There is nothing good about mornings,” said Vincent.

“Barret and I made you breakfast.”

“I see that. Looks like you made most of Costa del Sol breakfast.”

“Well we didn’t know what you would feel like,” said Barret.

“Where were you two when I was pregnant with Benji and Aiden?” He sat down and helped himself to some waffles. “Look… you two don’t have to butter me up. In fact I would prefer you didn’t. I don’t like feeling obligated to do things out of guilt. And you should know by now I don’t trust flattery and fawning.”

“We know,” said Tifa. “But we’re doing it because we’re the ones feeling guilty. We’re asking a lot of you. And Rhiannon’s not even one, yet.”

“I don’t mind doing it,” said Vincent. He raised a gloved hand to stop Tifa’s shriek before it had a chance to emerge. “But… Cid and I have a few conditions.”

Tifa was bouncing on the balls of her feet. “What conditions? Whatever it is, we’ll do it.”

Vincent pulled out a list seemingly from Hammer Space. Tifa and Barret gave each other a worried look as he proceeded to read.

“You will agree to the following conditions. That for the duration of my pregnancy, you will: One - go to Turtle’s Paradise for won ton soup regardless of the hour or weather conditions. Two - help chase after two twin toddlers and one soon-to-be toddler while I am stuck on the sofa having my seventy-fifth crying jag of the day and Cid is out in the hangar trying to find some peace. Three - not bring anything into the house that even remotely smells of bacon or be forced to clean up the results of your actions. Four - do not tell me I’m being irrational when I’m being irrational because I already know I’m being irrational and that’s hardly the point. If I was rational while I was being irrational then I wouldn’t be irrational. Just let me be irrational. Five - if you say “now there there Vincent” to me while I am being irrational then don’t blame me for the fallout. Six - it has to be the blue goose down comforter with the matching blue down pillow. No the green pillow is not exactly the same, please see conditions four and five. Seven - if you take out my Three Dog Night tape and lose it you can expect a high volume demonstration of conditions four and five. If I can’t hear ‘Pieces of April’ while doing my meditation and Lamaze exercises I will have a tantrum. This is not negotiable. Eight - this is your baby, I’m just carrying it for a while, and as such I want this pregnancy to be as much fun for you as mine have been for me. Trust me, once I hit my fifth month you’ll be wondering who the hell I am, where my brain went, how the hell you can get me to stop crying, and, more importantly, why Cid stays.”

He handed the paper to Barret, who accepted it warily. Tifa pounced on Vincent and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you, Vincent, this means so much to us. I know it’s so much to ask.”

“Well if I hadn’t known you for so long I wouldn’t have agreed. This is going to be very emotional for me. I’m only doing it because I know I’ll be able to see the baby after it’s born.”

Tifa and Barret glanced at each other, then Tifa looked back at Vincent.

“I didn’t think of that. But… we’re all family. You’ll still see the baby and get to be part of his or her life.”

“I know. As I said, that’s the only reason I’m agreeing to do this. Of course you have a lot of work to do as well.”

“Yeah we have to get that barn looking like a house,” said Barret.

“It’s not a barn!” said Tifa.

“It’s a big-ass barn, all it needs is a few moo-moo cows and we’re set.”

“I thought you loved that house!” Tifa gave him the Huge Wet Shimmering Doe-Eyes. He sighed.

“Of course I love the house. It just needs a little work. But by the time Vincent is ready to have the baby it’ll be perfect.”

“And you like the house?”

“I like the house just fine. Really.”

“Okay,” she pouted.

He put one huge arm around her, then the three looked up as the kitchen door was pulled open, revealing a tall bedraggled figure clad in wet leather, his white hair a sodden mess, green eyes narrowed in irritation.

“I just want you to know that I hate everyone and I am seriously rethinking my plan to destroy the planet.”

“You’re soaked to the bone!” said Tifa. “I’ll get you some tea.”

“I’d really rather have saké if you don’t mind. The weather up by Icicle Inn is repugnant at best.”

Tifa went to get the saké and warm it as Sephiroth sat down heavily on a chair.

“What happened to you?” asked Barret.

“I lost a bet with Cid,” Sephiroth growled out from between his gritted teeth. “Therefore, I had to head up to Icicle Inn and do a little chocobo hunting for Marlene. And I caught a chocobo.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a highly distraught, slightly damp and loudly peeping chick, handing it to Barret. “And then I could not remember if Molasses was a boy bird or a girl bird, so I had to catch another chocobo.” He reached into another pocket and pulled out a second distraught and noisy chick. “So now you have two chocobos and I have a coat full of bird poo. Oh joy.”

Barret accepted the noisy chicks happily and took them to get them dry and set up a nesting box for them, leaving Vincent and Sephiroth together.

“I thought you didn’t take bets,” said Vincent.

“As a rule I do not, but your cocky smug and self-satisfied bastard of a husband bet me he could fly to the little island off shore. I told him that was not possible because the Bio-Genetics Division of Shinra Inc did not design these wings for flying, they designed them for gliding.”

“Cid can fly,” said Vincent.

“I noticed. And I’m going to give you a chance to make up for all the birthdays you missed in my life.”

“By telling you how Cid did it, I suppose.”

“Yes.”

Vincent fed Sephiroth a forkful of waffles covered in blueberry syrup. “I can’t do that.”

Sephiroth chewed. “Are you sure?”

“Quite sure. I absolutely cannot tell you that Cid called Reeve and Reeve told him how to do it using one of those devices to communicate with the alpha nanite.”

“Thank you, you are the best daddy ever.” Sephiroth gave him a kiss on the face.

“And you’re going to find me a new husband after Cid finds out I gave you his secret?”

“He won’t find out from me that’s for sure. Besides I’m your eldest child. You can’t keep secrets from me, can you?”

Vincent smiled at him warmly. “I could never keep any secrets from you,” he said softly, and fed him another bit of waffle.

Meanwhile, outside in the warm sunlight, Cid worked on the motor of his truck as Charles stood close by, watching Nathan, Pickles and Murderface do something that involved a golf club, a hand axe, and a herring. His expression was thoughtful as he watched three of his five ‘boys’ tear around like kids at recess.

“Cid?” said Charles.

“M-hm?”

“If… if you thought that… someone you loved was potentially a hazard to the continued existence to the earth, what would you do?”

Cid glanced over at Charles. “Been listening to the Tribunal freaks have ya?”

“I wouldn’t say that, no, but…”

“But?”

“I’ve learned something that potentially lends some validity to their perspective on this matter.”

“Uh huh.” Cid continued to tinker with the engine.

“What would you do?”

“If it were me you mean? If I found out my Vincent was potentially going to destroy the planet? Well… first I would want to know if he intended to do it or not.”

“Definitely not.” Charles gave a wry little smile. “If there’s no world there’s no cheese.”

“Well… I think I would protect him to the best of my ability and try to stop it.”

“You’d stay with him.”

“Hell yeah I’d stay with him! That’s not some Joe Asshole, that’s my husband! I’ve got three kids with him! Take a fuck of a lot more than some stinking prophecy and a bunch of paranoid pecker-heads to turn me against him.” He glanced at Charles. “You’re not thinking of leaving Nathan are you?”

“No. Absolutely not. It’s just… I was so sure they were wrong. And now that I learn they may not be… well it has me in a bit of a quandary.”

“What quandary? You love them. They need you. End of quandary.”

Charles watched Cid fiddle with the engine. “What if I end up having to put a bullet in each of their skulls?”

“Charles, prophecies happen because people make them happen. This Tribunal may fear what your boys could bring about, but they’re helping it along, either intentionally or not. If they disbanded and left Dethklok to just go one making records until they cacked off of old age you know what would happen? Not a damned thing. Nothing. But because they have to get their asses out of joint and start poking them with a stick and forcing events to occur, they think the prophecy is coming about. And it is. Because they’re making it happen! Charlie you can’t leave those boys. They love you. And they need you. No matter how shockingly fucking dumb they are.”

“Well, they… have their difficulties, true but…”

“They’re dumb.”

Charles felt his hackles rise. “They are not dumb, they’re just… a little confused.”

“Uh huh. Toki ate my siphoning hose this morning from my beer-making supplies.”

“Yes, well… Toki would eat a rock if it was beer flavoured.”

“And you don’t call that dumb?”

Charles narrowed his eyes. “I saw Loz trying to teach a ceramic dog to fetch, are you trying to tell me he’s a genius?”

“Hey at no time did I ever say there were no morons on Gaia. Speaking of morons…” Cid straightened up and looked over at the collection of people at the far end of the runway. “What are they playing?”

“Herring Ball,” said Charles.

Cid watched the pack of idiots at the end of the runway. “Herring Ball?”

“Herring Ball. It’s like Calvin Ball only with fish. I’m not familiar with the rules myself.”

“What’s the hand axe for?”

“If you can get the axe through the herring while the herring is in air after having been hit with the golf club it’s a triple score. You get one point for putting the axe through the herring after it hits the wall.”

“What if you catch the axe before it hits the fish?”

“You win the game. The prize is a free trip to the emergency ward. So far Nathan has won twice.”

“Uh huh. And you made a baby with him. What were you thinking?”

Charles watched Nathan running across the field after Nanaki who had pilfered the herring, his brown eyes fixed on the enormous, powerful body, the long flying black hair, the way his muscles shone and flexed in the light…

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” asked Charles.

Cid rolled his eyes, then lit a cigarette. “Nope. Not me.”

“Sorry, I tend to get… a little distracted watching him.”

“He is impressive,” agreed Cid. He looked over at Charles. “Look, Charlie… whatever you learned about them… put it away somewhere. I don’t know what their story is, and I’m willing to concede there is something very strange about those boys. But whatever is going on… it’s not them. There’s not an evil bone in any of their bodies. A few dense ones, some indisputably stupid ones, but no evil.”

Charles nodded. “You’re right.” He looked up as he heard a small noise coming from the bassinette placed on the porch in the shade. “I believe I’m being summoned.” He sighed as Toki popped out of the house and promptly took the baby. “Toki put Lydia down, please.”

“Oh I gives her back. When you an’ Nat’an goings to have anothers one so you has one to play with?”

“We’re not having another one. We have one baby. That’s all we need. If you want a baby then you and Skwisgaar…. Never mind. Her bottle is in the fridge.”

Toki nodded and went into the house. Cid gave Charles a friendly slap on the shoulder.

“Nearly walked head first into that one, Charlie.”

“Yes. Fortunately I stopped myself. The world is not ready for Toki and Skwisgaar to produce a child.”

“I dunno, it would be a hell of a guitar player.”

“That it would. It would be tall and beautiful and lethally fast. And it won’t happen. Even if they could they wouldn’t. Not after what they grew up with.”

“They seem pretty fond of Lydia.”

“They are. They adore her. But she’s not theirs. They get to hand her back to me when the past catches up with them. They can’t do that if they are the parents.”

Cid grinned. “So they’re not that dumb after all.”

“Fortunately there is a grain of common sense buried under the hair and corpse paint.” Charles watched Nathan noogie Nanaki. “It’s small but its there.”

“How’s Princess Skwisgaar?”

“Fragile. Very, very fragile. Thank you for taking us in, Cid.”

“Oh I didn’t do anything. I just let you park that behemoth on my runway.”

“And let Toki sleep in your bed and flew Skwisgaar to the spa and numerous other things. You’ve been very good to us.” He smiled. “Would you like to see the cockpit of the Hatredcopter?”

Cid dropped his tools into the open tool chest beside the car and grinned. “Fuck yeah, let’s go.”

***---***

“Am I pretty?”

“Breathtaking,” said Andy, reaching out to take Yazoo’s hand, admiring the dark grey outfit with the gold trim Yazoo was wearing. “You look like a prince.”

Yazoo smiled at him. “I’m glad you like it.” He put a gloved hand on his stomach, then smiled again. This time it was a sad little smile without humour. “I wish this baby would hurry up and be born. I was sick all morning.”

Andy squeezed his hand. “Mom made all your favourites. Including the chocolate-covered lima beans.” He shuddered. Yazoo leaned forward and kissed him.

“That was nice of her.”

“Honestly Yazzy, you want to eat the strangest things.”

“I know. I’m tired of feeling this way. I want it to be done with. I don’t like the idea that you will grow up and I will not.”

“That’s not going to happen,” said Andy softly. “We’re going to find a way to make you well.”

Yazoo did not look convinced, but then he shook his head, and smiled. “I brought you a birthday gift. Zack said it is traditional.” He held out a small package, carefully wrapped in newspaper. “I wanted mine to stand out.”

Andy laughed as he accepted the package. “It’s wonderful!” He put an arm around Yazoo. “Let’s get you seated. You look a little weak.”

Yazoo allowed himself to be led away to a bench, his expression amused. “I’m not weak.”

Andy glanced at him. “You’re pale. Even for you.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know, humour me.”

Yazoo allowed Andy to walk him to the bench and sit him down, then he waited as Andy went to put his gift on the table and fetch him something to drink. Andy was just reaching the table with the food and drink on it when he was intercepted by his father.

“So is that your little butt buddy?” he asked, indicating Yazoo.

Andy shot him a cold look. “He’s my boyfriend, yes. And I suggest you not call him names where he can hear it.”

“Why? Will he cry and hit me with his purse?”

“Look, can you just not do this today?”

“Do what? We’re just talking.”

“Fine. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to him. And don’t upset him, Dad. Please. You don’t have to like him but don’t upset him.”

“So I won’t upset him!” Lawrence Kindle was mildly drunk and quite belligerent, because he, of course, was the victim in all this. It was not his fault he was now living in a small apartment and getting a divorce and his son barely spoke to him. “Why should I care if you want to get crap on your dick? It’s your dick. I don’t care.”

“Great way to talk to your seventeen-year-old son, Dad. Thanks for making this birthday extra memorable. Look I don’t care what you do but don’t upset Yazoo.”

“Oh why the hell not?”

Andy turned and looked his father in the eye, speaking quietly. “Because he’s a genetically enhanced super-warrior bred by science to have reflexes that work in under a fraction of a second. He will kill you before his brain even has time to register the idea that he wants to kill you. And nowhere in his little pretty head is the thought implanted that killing things that bother him is not a socially acceptable thing to do. Even if it was, there is no chance for his brain to react fast enough to stop the reflex. He sees a threat, he reacts. You get in his face, he kills you. So if you want to go dance on a landmine then be my guest, but he will turn you into a red mist, and call me crazy but I would actually be sorry to see that happen.”

Andy turned away and went over to Yazoo, seating himself beside him and passing him a glass of punch.

“Everything all right?” asked Yazoo.

“Oh it’s fine, I just had to tell Dad to stop being a jerk.” He sighed. “I would love to just sneak away but it would really upset mom, she put a lot of work into this.”

“This is one of those situations Zack was explaining to me isn’t it? About how we all sometimes must do things for other people even if we don’t enjoy them?”

Andy smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. “Yeah that’s right.”

“Life was much more simple in the crater.”

“Do you miss it?” Andy asked quietly.

“No. I don’t like feeling as if I am wandering through the dark, but I don’t miss the crater. I don’t miss feeling hollow and sad inside, and being treated like a puppet. Even if I was one. I would rather stumble in the dark.”

“You don’t have to stumble alone,” said Andy.

“I know.” Yazoo smiled at him. “I have you.”

Andy smiled at him. For single perfect second they were the only two people in the world. Then Andy was descended upon by an older woman who looked a great deal like his mother.

“Andy!”

“Hello Auntie Faith.”

“Look at you! Oh you’re so handsome! I can’t believe you’re seventeen already! And who is this pretty girl?”

Yazoo blinked bright green eyes at the strange woman, not bothering to correct her on his gender. Andy was eternally grateful that Yazoo didn’t have an issue with people thinking he was a girl; it certainly kept the body count to a minimum.

“Auntie Faith, this is Yazoo.”

She smiled at him. “Well aren’t you a lovely young lady! Andy I had no idea you had a girlfriend!” Faith beamed at Yazoo approvingly. “And so very pretty, too. What school do you go to?”

“I don’t go to school,” said Yazoo. “I’m a genetically engineered Sephiroth clone created to kill.”

Faith’s smile became decidedly forced and plastic. “How nice.”

“But Andy thinks I can be trained to diagnose illness so I’m going to help him when he becomes a doctor.”

“Well… that’s nice.” Faith looked at Andy, taking his hand. “Andy, can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Sure.” He gave Yazoo’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll be right back.”

“Bring beans.”

Andy grinned. “I’ll bring beans.”

Andy permitted himself to be hauled a short distance away, his aunt lowering her head to whisper into his ear. “Andrew Floyd Kindle what are you doing with that thing?”

“I like Yazzy.”

“She’s insane!”

“He’s not insane, he’s just a little socially dysfunctional.”

Her eyes became large. “He? That’s a boy?”

“Yes, that is my boy-friend.”

She shook her head and sighed. “Don’t say such things, you don’t have a boyfriend. Now what are you doing inviting crazy people to your party? People will think you’re strange.”

“Heaven forbid,” said Andy dryly. “He’s here because he’s my boyfriend and I wanted him here.”

“Stop telling people that he’s your boyfriend, that’s not the sort of thing you want people to think about you.”

“Oh, of course not. I would absolutely hate to have people know something as beautiful as he is likes to be with me.”

“You don’t want people thinking you’re a homo!”

“I don’t?”

“No!”

Andy nodded. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. Now if you will excuse me, Yazzy’s pregnant and I have to get him his beans before he faints.”

Andy turned and walked towards the table with the food laid on it, grinning evilly to himself. As he reached the table Sheldon handed him a plate.

“Happy birthday stick boy.”

“Thanks Sheldon.”

“How are the relatives enjoying meeting Yazoo?”

“Well I don’t know about them,” said Andy. “But I’m having a blast. I just hope Dad doesn’t get any drunker and cause Yazoo’s predator instincts to kick in.”

Sheldon glanced over at Yazoo. “I gotta hand it to you, Andy, if I was going to date a guy, that’s definitely the guy I would date.”

“Sheldon I think it’s time you made friends with your bisexual side.”

“I’d love to but he’s in love with you, and the only brother he has I that would like to get next to almost as much is seven feet tall, way too old for me and even if he wasn’t… he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just so arrogant that it looks that way.”

“I think Shinra Inc. needs to build a few more of those.”

Andy nudged him. “Careful or I’ll tell Linda you’re on the hunt for a new squeeze.”

Sheldon snorted. “Well if you can find her then you can tell her, but I have a funny feeling that she’s helping Raymond Keller with his math homework.”

Andy looked at Sheldon, dark eyes large from behind his glasses. “She dumped you for Raymond?”

Sheldon shrugged. “Not really. I mean we were never officially going out. But… I thought she liked me.”

“I thought she liked you, too. Why is she off helping Raymond? He needs help with his math like Yazoo needs fighting lessons.”

“Who knows,” said Sheldon with a hurt, bitter edge to his voice. “Who knows, who cares. I asked her about it and she just said she didn’t want to make any commitments.” He sighed. “I thought it was supposed to be the guys with commitment issues.”

“I’m sorry Sheldon. I thought she really liked you.”

“Yeah, well… she’s one of the most popular girls in school so she can pick and choose. You’re lucky, Andy. You’re gonna be with Yazoo forever.”

“I hope so. But I’m still only seventeen. I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic.”

Sheldon snorted. “If I had what you had, stick-boy, I’d tell the world. He’s beautiful, he’s intelligent, he’s got some amazing talents that are going to make the pair of you the most famous doctors on the planet, and best of all… he loves you. He really unconditionally loves you. And not just for now or until school ends or he finds something better. He loves and trusts you and unless you do something hopelessly stupid, he’s gonna be with you until you are a very old withered up little stick-boy.”

Andy thought about that. “You’re right. I didn’t think about it that way. I mean I call him my gift and I believe he is my gift, but…”

“He is your gift,” said Sheldon. “He is the most precious thing you will ever be given. If I were you, man… screw other people. I’d flaunt him.”

Andy nodded, looking thoughtful. He walked over to Yazoo with his plate, and was about to sit down beside him when he heard his mother call to him.

“Andy are you going to come cut your cake?”

“Coming!” he said. He looked at Yazoo. “Coming with me?”

“If you want me to.”

“I do.”

Andy held his hand out to Yazoo, who took it. Together they walked over to the table where his mother, friends and relations were waiting. His mother handed him the knife for the cake.

“Blow out the candles and make a wish!”

Andy glanced around, and knew what he was going to wish for; he was going to wish for his dad to like him again, and for his relations to accept the person he loved. He was going to wish for Yazoo to be all right, and for his seventeenth year to be a little less complicated.

“Wish for a car,” said Lawrence Kindle.

“Why would I wish for a car, Dad?” asked Andy.

He shrugged. “That’s what I wanted at seventeen.”

“Did you get it?”

“No but I wished for it.”

“I have a wish in mind,” said Andy. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, blowing out the candles. No sooner had he done so than Yazoo turned and fled for the house at top speed to throw up. Andy sighed, then began to cut the cake.

“Aren’t you going to go after your girlfriend and see what’s the matter with her?” inquired his Auntie Myra.

Andy slowly cut the cake, considering his words, then looked at his aunt.

“He’s fine, Aunt Myra. His name is Yazoo, and he’s my boyfriend. Because of some experiments performed on him his body thinks he’s pregnant so he… gets morning sickness. But I love him and one day I’m going to marry him. He’s my gift. I hope you can accept that.”

She blinked at him, looking surprised. She then glanced at Jacob, her husband, then looked back at Andy.

“Well it’s no skin off my nose. Pass some cake.”

Andy handed her a piece of cake, smiling as he did so. Maybe some wishes did come true.