Strange Damn Muses
A SPIT Ficlet by Lazra

Rating: NC-17
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Harley/Nemesis
Warnings: Violence; Non-con motorcycle…uh 'sex'?…I think
Summary: Harley gets Nemesis. Arrowsmith gets confused. I'll assume someone eventually re-sods the lawn.
Notes: I couldn't think of a title for the story. So the title is an homage to the weirdness around here that inspired the story.  I blame you all for this.  Oh, and //This is bike speech.//

Harley liked the White Palace. It had long corridors that could echo his engine forever, great huge rooms to spin around in, and massive courtyards and pathways that he could lose himself in for years.

He liked Blackbird. The little guy had given him clarity. Harley had always had a soul, thanks to Arrowsmith, but Blackbird's spell had given him thought. All of the amorphous feelings floating around him had suddenly come into focus, and Harley was no longer simply alive, he was aware. So what if he couldn't talk to the humans. He could make his intentions clear now, and that was a hell of a lot more than ever before. Plus if he wanted to go for a ride, he didn't have to wait for Arrowsmith anymore! Woot!

Arrowsmith… what could be said about Arrowsmith. He was Harley's father, brother, and best friend all in one great package. He knew what a motorcycle was for.

Harley pitied any bike that belonged to a "weekender". They were too polished, too pampered, and too idle. Their owners only used them to show off. "Lookit! I have a bike! I'm butch!" Yeah, right.

And don't get him started on those foreign jobs. Yamaha, Suzuki, all crap. They're like the annoying yappy puppies of the motorcycle world.

Nah, Arrowsmith knew a bike was meant for the road. True, Harley was pampered, but only because it was Harley himself who was loved, and not his owner's ego.

Harley had a brief moment of jealousy when Infamous came into the picture. Arrowsmith's previous partners always meant that Harley would either be ignored, or he would have to cater to some squealy bitch. "Lookit! You have a bike! You're butch!" If Harley had eyes, they would have rolled every time Arrowsmith got a new squeeze.

But Infamous was different. He appreciated the relationship between Harley and Arrowsmith, and very much treated Harley like a beloved pet instead of a status symbol or mere transportation. Harley even liked riding with Infamous. He fairly vibrated with energy and enthusiasm, whereas other people were afraid to even touch him without Arrowsmith there to make sure Harley didn't bite.

The one person he couldn't stand was Nemesis. Harley and Mr. Shinysparkles may have shared parts from a common ancestor, but to Harley, he was a just a yappy showoff. //Lookit! I am shiny! I am smaller! I can make really tight donuts in the lawn! I rock!//

Things got worse after Blackbird awoke Nemesis too. Now Nemesis could annoy him in even more ways. Mostly by revving his cute little engine while Harley was trying to rest, or blocking his path, or tagging along whenever Harley wanted to go somewhere alone.
Arrowsmith had sensed Harley's discomfort, but there was nothing he could do but offer reassurances. "Don't worry, pal. I'm sure he'll calm down…sooner or later."

Right now though, Harley was pissed.

Harley had his own stall outside, near Arrowsmith's quarters. The servants around here still thought Harley has some kind of metallic beast, so they would bring him food and water. Harley of course never touched the stuff, but he loved knowing he was cared for.

Harley had been meandering around the garden, letting birds and butterflies perch on his handlebars. Life was good. After his meanderings, he went back to his stall only to find Nemesis knocking around his food and water dishes.

Nemesis turned around to face Harley. //What? It's not like you use that stuff.//
Harley had never known such rage. True, he didn't use that stuff, but it was his stuff in his stall, and Nemesis had no right to be there goddammit!

Harley was shocked into immobility…for a moment. Then with his engine roaring and tires screaming, he ran after Nemesis, who was smart enough to realize he was about to die and peeled out of the stall .

The chase went out of the stalls, around lawns, into corridors, anywhere Nemesis thought he could escape. Scattered servants and broken furniture were left in their wake.
Harley had brute force and more speed, but Nemesis was more agile. He curved and swerved and did everything he could think of to lose Harley, but to no avail. Harley's anger had him zeroed in on Nemesis, and he wasn't about to let that puny fucking upstart to get away.

Now back out on the lawns, Nemesis tried a sharp swerve, but he misjudged and went skidding sideways across the grass. Harley slammed into his side, and they skidded to a stop. Nemesis was laying on his side, immobile, and Harley was straddling him.

Nemesis quaked with fear and began gunning his engine and spinning his wheels fruitlessly in the grass. He coughed and sputtered and made as much noise as he could.

Harley, stunned by the sudden impact, was silent for a moment, then noticed the position they were in. If he'd had a mouth, he would have smiled. //You're mine now, bitch.//

Harley settled his weight on Nemesis and began rocking himself back and forth, intending to put as many scrapes and scratches into Nemesis's hide as he could.

Nemesis's wheels screamed as they tore up the grass. He twisted his front end trying to buck Harley off, but he was too big. Nemesis only ended up helping to cause more damage.
Harley was fairly purring in triumph and made no rush of his destructive operation. When he felt he was scraping metal instead of paint, he moved slightly lower and began again.
Nemesis struggled through it all. Nothing worked, but he didn't stop fighting it….until the wheel.

Satisfied that he'd done enough scraping, Harley rolled up until his back wheel was on Nemesis's back wheel. He dug in his front end, and spun the back wheel, trying to sully Nemesis's pristine chrome.

What he didn't count on was the shock of sensation from rubber grinding against rubber. Both of them froze, not quite sure what had happened.

Humans with bikes talked a lot about "the feel of the road beneath your wheels”. They had no idea how true that was for the bikes. The wheels were the most sensitive part of a bike's anatomy. It's what made bikes put up with some fat bastard and his old lady. Just the chance to feel the road on a long trip, or even a short one, was motorcycle heaven.

Nemesis got over the shock first and spun his wheel in retaliation. Harley nearly jumped off from the jolt he got.

Nemesis purred. //Aha…liked it, huh?//

//Bitch.//

Harley spun his wheel again. Nemesis countered in kind. They kept spinning against each other. Slower then faster. Forwards then backwards. Again and again. Neither willing to stop. Neither letting the other have command. The energy between them escalating.
Harley thought his wires were on fire, but he couldn't stop, not until the upstart knew his place. Still spinning, Harley drew himself up and then slammed his weight onto Nemesis.
Nemesis shuddered under his bulk and began noisily revving his engine again.

Harley slammed him again, then rocked and scraped against his wheel.
Nemesis's struggles became convulsive.

Harley could feel the pressure inside of himself ready to blow. He slammed Nemesis again, and was rewarded with the sound of a tube bursting.

Nemesis stilled in the grass as his brake fluid leaked out.

Harley wanted to crow, but settled for rubbing and spinning until the pressure was too much. His tube burst and sprayed Nemesis with hot brake fluid.

He rolled languidly off of Nemesis and collapsed beside him.

***---***

Arrowsmith had no idea what had gotten into Harley. He had seen him chase Nemesis out his stall and across a yard. As he went down through the palace, he was practically assaulted by serving staff with reports of "that crazy beast of yours" tearing up the place.

He finally tracked the two bikes down only to find them laying around on a lawn. The ground had been churned into mud. Nemesis was covered in deep scratches. And both of them had busted brake lines and fluid everywhere.

"What the hell have you two been doing?"